Mother Nature, we need to have a chat.

Dear Mother Nature,

Let's chat, mama-to-mama. 

I realize you have a whole lot on your plate. I get it. Perhaps you're hormonal. I get that, too. Maybe you need a vacation. I really dig it. Really. I'm tired of the lack of color and warmth and sunshine myself. 

But can I tell you something? Um, Ohio is a little farther South from the North Pole than you seem to think it is. We don't have or need polar ice or permafrost here. Temps below freezing for extended periods of time make us cranky, and will not, no matter how long you try to make those temps last, yield a crop of seals. The starving polar bears are not in Ohio, my dear. There are some in various zoos, yes, but to do the free ones any good, please send the snow and the ice and the frigidness North to where they are, so the seals can stick around and be snacks. 

See, here in Ohio we have children. Small people who eventually grow out of being children and turn into (hopefully) good people who will then have their turn ruling the world. In order to do the best possible job there, they first need something called an education. Education happens when people who truly care about kids teach them things like math and reading. And social studies and science and art and statistics and foreign language and music and how to play fair and how to take turns. There's this fun book by Robert Fulghum that goes into detail about these very important lessons. Put it on your reading list.

But Mother Nature, children don't always learn these things in the very best way when they're stuck at home for extended periods of time. Granted, the great outdoors is a wonderful teacher when it comes to patience and gravity and climbing trees and fishing and wind direction and seeds and critters of every kind, but when it is below freezing out the children get very cold. And crabby. And hungry. And wet. Then they would rather be inside, fighting with their siblings and ignoring their parents and and eating us out of house and home while requesting never-ending turns on technological devices which may or may not be good for their brains. I'm not sure if the evidence has come in on that yet. 

My particular brood of children have had one day of school since returning from their Christmas break. Only one. This is hopefully the last day of an unplanned four-day weekend. I ask you; does freezing rain really ever do anybody any good? I'm thinking logistically; wouldn't tiny birdie feet slide right around ice-glazed branches, making birds end up hanging like bats? And don't young animals have a hard time on slippery surfaces just like people do? I saw Bambi. 

So please. I'm asking as a mom, for more than one friend and on my own behalf, would you please, for the love of all good things, would you quit it with the crazy weather and let the children go to school? Winter is fine. Personally, I'd ask you to please make it brief, with less wind and more sun, but I can be realistic in knowing that there are legitimate months of Winter ahead. Just please, please, please let them go to school. I can fill up the bird feeders and help take care of yours if you can send a little help this way. Whaddaya say?

Forever yours,
Getting Desperate