Stupid old boobs

April continues to not disappoint with her unpredictability in both weather and life events. Supposedly this week it will reach 80, though the nights slither down to 35 and 40. So far this month I've lost my last grandparent, our youngest has finished testing for and earned his black belt in karate, and I've been freshly diagnosed with breast cancer.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. That's right, I'm now one of those one-in-eight women who will receive a diagnosis of breast cancer in their lifetimes. And what a wild and crazy ride that begins!

Once upon a time, a gal went in for what she figured would be a routine mammogram as she was officially of age to get things like that checked out. She received the letter in the mail informing her that she had dense breast tissue like a lot of other women, and it would require further tests because the density makes it harder to see trouble spots. A spot compression was ordered, which meant that another mammogram was performed with an additional section clamped onto the machine to focus on a specific area. Once that all was finished, an ultrasound was ordered. Based on the results from all of the tests, and the fact that I'd been feeling what turned out to be an enlarged lymph node in addition to an actual lump that the doctor found while doing a breast exam, an ultrasound guided biopsy was recommended. The surgeon told us, "I've been doing this long enough that if the results come back saying it's nothing, I wouldn't believe it." 

 Well, biopsy means needles. I am much tougher when I am pregnant than when I am not. As I am not, I passed out during the beginning of the biopsy to awaken and find a masked man (the surgeon) "yoohoo"ing me, which sent my brain straight to "Frozen" where a wet and chilled Anna crunches into the Swedish vendor's hut as he waves cheerily and calls, "hoo hoo!" It's a bit odd to me how it can take forever to fall asleep and dream but I can get there in a matter of seconds when fainting. 

So we pick up the chitchat where we left off, finish the biopsy, and they send me back to get another mammogram to make sure that the titanium chip they'd inserted as a "we were here" marker made it into the correct spot. They do this because, interestingly enough, scar tissue from surgeries (which a biopsy is considered) can look the same as cancer on future screenings; hence the marker which means the scar tissue was deliberate. 

Things got a little sparkly here too. I sat down after the first set of images was achieved and thought I was ready for the second one, but as I woke up on the floor, I guess I wasn't quite 100% yet. My new BFF in the women's center told me, "you did great. You held your breath, I got the picture, I told you to breathe, your knees went, and I caught you before you hit the floor." Isn't she super? 

The surgeon came in to check on me, pronounced that it was probably anxiety over the procedure (y'think?) combined with dehydration as they tell you not to eat or drink anything including water for the 4 hours beforehand. I was nervous (see needle notes above) and thirsty as I usually drink plenty all morning long. My sweet new nurse friends gave me cranberry juice and graham crackers like I was a little kid and when I was ready, I was wheeled out to the car and sent on my way. 

We headed back in the next week to go over the results with the surgeon we'd already met with. He told us that based on the results he had, I have ductile (starting in a duct) carcinoma (big scary cancer word) invasive (has already spread out from where it began), that I could have already had it for 5-8 years (!!!), that because of my age they will probably treat it aggressively which most likely will mean a port for chemo before they do any potential surgery/radiation.  We asked as many questions as we could think of and made the poor surgeon wince a little as he said, "again, you're at the outer edge of my expertise, but that's a great oncology question."

I perhaps mistakenly understood that we would not meet with an oncologist until after they had the MRI results in hand. An MRI couldn't happen until 7-14 days after the start of a menstrual cycle began. I was beginning to freak out a bit thinking that this process was taking longer and longer and we would be looking at the second week of May or later. I felt like I would never get answers to my questions unless I googled them and would end up scaring myself out of my mind.

Then God tapped me on the shoulder. "Remember my faithfulness." The phone rang on Friday morning. It was the oncology office and they wanted to set up an appointment. Was I free on Monday? (But Monday will come before the MRI!) Yes, I was free Monday! Then I was to bring the usual driver's license and insurance card and any questions I might have to meet the doctor on Monday. We'd start discussing treatment options even though we were waiting for tests. We would start blood work and no, fasting will not be necessary so go about your normal Monday morning and we'll see you then. 

Are you kidding me?! Wahoo! God, you're amazing! I don't have to fast?! I can drink all morning long to have nice juicy veins to tap! I can write down all my questions that I can't wait to have answers for: what should I be eating? What should I stop eating? Do I have to quit sugar? What should my exercise program be like? How wiped out am I going to be? How often will chemo happen and for how long and how long will the breaks be between them? Can I buy my summer pool pass? Will I be allowed to get in the pool with a port or am I benched? How much hurking will be involved and what can I safely take to avoid as much of that as possible? I don't have to wait until after the MRI to ask questions! Yippieeeee!

Granted, we won't know what stage I'm in until after the MRI because that is apparently the test to determine size and whether any cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. They're also still waiting on the part of the biopsy which gets sent away to determine whether or not I am Her-2 positive. If I am, from my understanding, that gives them an additional avenue with which to treat me. I am estrogen and progesterone positive, so those are other pathways to treatment. I am walking that fine line between spouting what I've heard thus far and not knowing what anything means, so my apologies to those of you who know more about this than I do and to those of you who think this is all TMI. 

We've been already just about bowled over by the waterfall of love, prayers, offers of help, encouragement, and devotion shown by friends and family. Say what you will about social media, but it is a good tool with which to keep multitudes of people informed.  

Stupid old boobs. I never wanted them in the first place! ;)

It is almost Monday afternoon! We will keep you posted. Thanks in advance for the prayers and love. Our support system is immense and not afraid of hard work. Like I told our camp friends already, I can envision some poor, pathetic demon who'd been assigned to attack me sniveling to Satan, "it's too haaaaard, she's covered too well, you won't believe who has been praying for her, I can't do this!" Satan will sigh, send him back to work, and they will both be miserable. God is so much bigger than this and I have absolutely no doubt that what looks like a huge, snarly, knotted mess to me is something fantastic and interconnected and breathtaking on the top of the tapestry; I am merely on the mortal underside. 

So expect updates here and on Facebook because this is going to be one long road of good, bad, and ugly. I'm sure it will  get worse before it gets better. After all, I'm already pretty good at living with cancer. The new temporary normal will be learning to live with cancer treatment, which is a whole different game show, complete with some zany host. If I had my choice, I'd request the cast of "Whose Line Is It" because man, anyone who can make up a song about plumbing using words given on the spot by the audience AND make it sound good is my kind of tribe. 

If you'll excuse me, I have to go pee again, but I will be working the Southwest corner of Hot Mess for the foreseeable future, so you'll know where to find me. Make today a fabulous day!