Things are getting hairy

 I keep going around and around about blogging about this. I know there's so much more important stuff going on in the world and I really do believe that hair is overrated, but in case this helps someone else feeling frustrated with theirs I'm going to go for it. 

I'm thankful that my hair came back after cancer. I am. And I was hoping that it wouldn't come back white. Or with a weird texture. And while I got all those wishes, I guess I forgot to clarify that I wanted a decent thickness. It's always been fine, but now it is also thin like old lady hair, (sorry to any old ladies who may be reading) and I'm aggravated. Again, I know it's overrated and I know our culture puts so much emphasis on hair and accessories and products and tools and styles, but mine is just... terrible. There, I said it.   

Those pictures are the same time- so I can't tell if you can see my scalp that much always or only if the lighting is especially bright. I'm hoping it's the second one. I have tons of hair around my head but it's incredibly thin up top- think a monk crossed with the Beatles! 

The flip side is that because it's so fine I can get almost all of it into one tiny barrette and the kids laugh at my inch long ponytail. I keep debating if I should chop it back off, but I'm afraid if I were to do a pixie cut that it'll be A) short and B) sparse and that my scalp will be that much more obvious! 

I asked my stylist what she thought about low maintenance cuts or styles that might help disguise my scalp and she, in all sincerity, suggested a wiglet or a topper. After a really good laugh on my part as I thought, "that's lower maintenance than I was expecting, all right," I decided I'm not ready to go that route. As they say in "Into the Woods," "we're not that miserable." Not that there's anything wrong with needing or using those tools, they're just not what I'm looking for. I never used a wig when I was bald because I couldn't be bothered, but I have since discovered that they're not for when you're bald so to speak, they're for when your hair is being ridiculous and you can't stand it anymore!

I know there's discussion elsewhere in print and online about cancer survivors and hair and how touchy all that is and how compliments are meant well... I truly believe hair afterwards is more for the people around the survivor than for the survivor themselves. At least, it is in my case. I'd be perfectly happy to have a buzzed head for the rest of forever, and those of you who've had that style know exactly why: it's so easy. There is no styling, no product to use, no bedhead, no hairs stuck in your lip/chapstick on windy days, no hairs in your eyes, no bangs to grow out. It is so freeing. But our culture seems to see healthy hair as a huge indicator of overall health, so if a survivor's hair is coming back, yay- you must be doing well!

And I am. My hair's not.

And life will go on. And I may yet tear it all out. Or buzz it back off. In the brilliant words of my friend Leslie, "having a bad hair day? Put on a hat!"

So friends, if you're struggling too, I hear you. We can rock our bandannas together. You have my permission to cut it or grow it however it makes you happy. And don't even get me started on the legal battles about schools versus students with dreadlocks because I'll never stop. That's another whole can of worms. Here's an idea. How about we all encourage each other the best ways we know how and stop worrying about other people's hair or clothes or who they love or which restroom they use or who they vote for. And on, and on, and on. How about we remember that we are all members of the human race together? How about we go out into the world and be kind?