The title is from Ursula in Disney's "The Little Mermaid"- the old animated one I grew up with- and it doesn't quite fit this post but it's close enough for government work. It's too hot and I'm too sleepy to fight with it for a better one. "GETMO; Good Enough To Move On," as Craig Groeschel says at the Global Leadership Conference.
I got a good look at myself in the mirror the other day and had to just laugh ruefully. This is not how I pictured my middle aged body would look. I do remember telling Dada decades ago that I wanted to be "pleasantly plump" and I guess what I had in mind was Mrs. Weasley from the Harry Potter series, though it was way before there was a Harry Potter. I think I desired that because nobody in my entire family was ever plump and I thought it was cute. We are a family of beans. String ones, generally.
At any rate, since I don't have boobs, the first thing I see when I look down is my stomach. For someone who wanted to be plump, it's still a bit disconcerting. Not the lack of boobs- I'm fine with that- but the amount of belly. Welcome to middle age.
Added to that, my right arm has been in a compression sleeve for almost two months and therefore looks like a fish belly. While I KNOW tan is actually sun damage, I have always felt healthier with a tan and I am *insert your favorite synonym for "mad" here* that cancer has ruined yet another summer for me and I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. My sweet radiation doc begged me to not burn because of the radiation I underwent, and that all looks... nontraditional... because half of my chest is "tan" from the radiation and that's the half I'm supposed to keep protected, under a rash guard, with SPF 50 on the parts that might be exposed. The other half is meh tan for mid-July in a normal year, but I have to keep telling myself that it's not been a normal year. And then my white right arm and hand with tan fingers. Gah. Ridiculous.
My hair is coming back pretty well and it looks like even my eyelashes and eyebrows have decided to show up this time. However, I have started one new med and will be starting a second, and hair thinning/loss is a possible side effect. If this goes to Round Three, I don't plan on ever growing hair back out again. I like it short and fuzzy. Makes me happy and boy, does it streamline your morning routine and your Walmart receipt!
*I forgot to mention all my small incisions still glue covered and healing from last week's hysterectomy. Added to all my other scars, you could draw some funky constellations on my body!
To add insult to injury, every time I go outside I swear I get another bug bite. Mosquitoes I can handle. It's the chiggers! My heavens. It's not just me- the New York Times has an article on them and the comments section is full of misery loves company as well as tips for relief. For those of you who live where there aren't chiggers, and those areas seem to be shrinking due to climate change, count your blessings. I think the only reason poison ivy is worse is because you can spread that around whereas the bites stay put. Chiggers like to get you in the worst possible spots- along bra and underwear lines, armpits, in the folds of back fat, along your groin, not gonna lie- I even have two in my buttcrack. Talk about hitting below the belt! My poor mother did some weeding when she visited and ended up with 24 bites herself. I'm so sorry. They itch for about three weeks and the jury seems to think that it's best to not scratch them open due to histamines and less chance of secondary infection.
So there's no red, white and blue here, just fading black and blue bruises from my IVs, pink from the insect bites, and a depressing lack of tan! In the meant to be comforting words of my radiation doc, "not for forever, just for this summer." *sigh* Whatever you say, Doc.
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