Rite of passage

 Ugh, the photos all loaded exactly backwards, so you'll have to use your imagination and replay them. Thing Three got his braces on and refused to give me a decent picture so I said, "fine, I'll just keep taking them and put them on the blog!" 

So there.

He asked, "is it a law that all kids have to get braces?" I cracked up and related that to my bestie Lisa, who replied, "yes! It is a rite of passage, haha!"

Here he is, plotting, not laughing at our answer...

Yes, he wore his crocs sockless in the snow to his appointment, just as he does to church on Sundays. I blame all those years of karate barefootness. Thing One is the same way- barefoot or wearing mismatched socks and making Maudie crazy. Thing Two is the one voted most likely to be in socks and slippers. Personally, our floors are freezing so I'm also in socks with slippers or at least wearing Thing Three's old rubber sandals. 

At any rate, the orthodontist optomistically quoted 15 months for the braces, dependent, of course, on brushing/flossing participation. I hope that holds true! After a few days of soreness, he seems to be holding up well and has already planned his next color change for rubber bands. Time will tell!

Chipping away

Hi! For those of you keeping track or for those of you who are new around here, I am chipping away at the second part of my chemo regimen. My port was a bugger again and I needed cath-flo injected into it. Sometimes with a port, your body will create like a skin or a sheath over it since it's a foreign body. Generally the port still works to input infusions, but the blood draw part doesn't work for some reason. Since you have to have the blood cell count to know if your numbers are high enough to have the chemo, that part has to be done first. So after multiple position changes and flushes, the nurse drew blood from my left arm and eventually the cath-flo stuff busted up whatever clot or sheath was in the way and we could get both in- and output. This is the second time it's happened with this port. I don't remember it ever happening with my previous one. I don't know if it's affected by being on my left side this time, if it's all the crazy chemicals swimming around in my body, or something else entirely. The nurse who drew my blood was amazing- I've had her before- and I seriously didn't even feel it. That's a rare, precious gift! 

My doc was pleased with my blood count numbers and gave me the green light to proceed, so I got my second Taxol infusion out of the way. Ten more to go! Thus far the side effects have indeed been less derailing than the AC chemo regimen which is over with, thankfully. She said I am still experiencing residual AC chemo effects, which explains why I'm still a bit on the slightly queasy side- not bad enough to take anything for, but I can. Usually mints or gum are enough to solve it. The key is to keep drinking, move when I can, and rest when I need to.

In joyous news, which may or may not make sense depending on how you feel about your own job, I GOT TO GO BACK TO WORK! I spent a day this week with a kindergarten class and had to laugh at how much energy these small, cooped up people need to burn off. They haven't had outdoor recess for a good while and it doesn't look promising for next week, either. There were lots of breaks throughout the day for small "dance parties" and time to get wiggles out. A fold down trampoline was also a lifesaver, so to whoever invented those small ones: huge kudos and thanks! Most of them took complete advantage of their three minute turns. I find it hilarious that right now as I'm typing, Van Halen's "Jump" is playing on Pandora!

Anyway, we are all back to school and work and all the things like scraping yuck off our cars and trying to pry open frozen-shut doors. We took advantage of the freezing outside temps to defrost our freezer, leaving all our frozen food on the deck, where it got snowed on. We've brought in firewood to make things cozy and help reduce the strain on our furnace. It's really a shame that we can't ship the snow to the wildfires... 

I've been laughing and lamenting (because those are two sides of the same coin, I think) with my girlfriends about the hormonal changes we are all experiencing. My doc asked about how I was sleeping and I related how I'm too hot, then too cold, then too hot, repeat. She says a complete hysterectomy is in my future, not immediately, but this year sometime. Talk about feeling like Mrs. Potato Head. I'm losing parts like nobody's business! Dada laughs about my departments not communicating; clearly no way to physically feed a child yet the lady parts never received the memo. It's been six years; let's get it together, body! Sheesh. So there's that to look forward to, along with the accompanying hormone therapy. Most likely it'll be Tamoxifen again until the surgery and then Arimidex afterwards. My doc called it my "big girl meds" and cracked herself up. Yay, I've graduated to big girl meds and I'm not even fifty. Way to overachieve! 😄

She was pleased that Dada accompanied me this time and said he was among the elite of husbands. She reiterated how much my success depends on his support and we both talked him up a little. I think he liked it. Totally true, though. I married up.

She said that as the AC chemo works its way out, my energy should increase and I am seeing some of that already. She said by next month I should be feeling much better. I asked if the Taxol is cumulative as in "how crummy am I going to feel by the end of March" and she said that the only thing cumulative about it is the neuropathy, which so far, thank God, I'm not experiencing. She says that's because I'm young, but said she used ice baths for her feet and hands and a cold cap when she did her own chemo regimen (she had the same cancer I had the first time around, after I had it) so of course Dada was all in for me to be using ice. I told him I already had my compression socks on which I'd read helped and that I'm not sticking my feet in ice water for an hour when it is snowing outside and I'm already cold! I did hold a bag of ice for most of the hour of the Taxol drip, complaining a fair bit. He has pictures on his phone which I didn't get yet. Don't have to worry about the cold cap as I don't have any hair to rescue! Good thing, too, as I was wearing Grandmama's owl hat that Thing Three repeatedly stole when he was tiny... can't find that picture so I can ask "who wore it better?" I'll keep an eye out. He will win. 

I also showed her the dots on my head and hands that look like some of the moles I'd already had and asked if they were chemo related. She said, "you tan really well, don't you?" I answered yes and she told us that it's just pigment changes, chemo related indeed, and that her Black patients notice it as very evident on the palms of their hands. I'm pretty sure she said it will fade when treatment finishes, but as it isn't itchy or sore, it's not bothering me. Thing One made cracks about them being age spots cuz I'm old, heh!

It is to get even colder next week so be careful and safe out there, everyone. So much awful happening all around, so mind the reminder from the mother of the incredible Mr. Rogers: "look for the helpers. There will always be hard things happening, but there will always be helpers." Especially in this time of awful house fires both locally and in California, look around and see how you can help. Could be an excellently meaningful Valentine's gift to someone who already has everything. Yes, I know that is NEXT month, but those of us whose love language is NOT gifts need time to prepare ourselves. 

Take care, everybody!

 

A first on a 26th

Today is the first two hour delay of 2025, much to Thing Three's delight, and it brings back lovely memories of our wedding, 26 years ago, when a blizzard blew through, closing the turnpike, preventing plenty of our wedding guests from attending, and prohibiting the arrival of our wedding cake. But it is so pretty out there today!

It is much sunnier out there than I remember it being 26 years ago and is shaping up into a much more forgiving, if still below freezing, kind of day. 

Thanks again to those of you who were crazy enough to brave the weather, no worries to those of you who couldn't make it (believe me- we understand!), and thanks for joining us to all of you whom we've met since then! Thank you all for blessing our lives and our family. 

We love you bunches! Stay warm and safe!

 

In which I blather on

I trust everyone has recovered from their New Year Shenaniganery. Welcome to 2025! 

Congratulations. You made it!

I sniggered last evening at our small group when I observed all the new, fresh haircuts. Hey, me too! Oh, wait...

Resolutions, anyone? I need to get back into some sort of exercise groove. Today is the third day of the New Year and I have a two day streak going of yoga, so I best get on the stick and do today's. I've already been sidetracked multiple times and it's not even 11 AM. Such is life.

Seriously, though. Drink more water and less alcohol. One is good for you and the other not so much. Eat colorful foods. Thing Three, that does NOT mean Airheads Extremes! Get out into the sunshine even when it's cold. How many of us have vitamin D deficiency? Hinrew, I'm obviously not talking to you, so shaddap. 😉 If the news is making you crazy, I give you permission to skim headlines to stay somewhat on top of things but not do deep dives into all the dirty details. Likewise with social media. Unless you're watching puppies. The only danger there is how MUCH time can be lost watching puppies... unless it makes you want a puppy, in which case I'll gently remind you that nobody wants to potty train a puppy in the winter. Wait until June.

Make new friends! People are lonely. Get together with ones you already have instead of just talking about how you need to. I'm super proud of Dada who had some guys over to play poker- for the first time in FOREVER- seriously, first time in this house and we've been here 11 years! 

Grow some cute tiny plants because playing in the dirt is good for you. There's even apps that will tell you what your plant is and what it needs to make it thrive. I might actually organize my seeds and my stuff and make a garden plan this year. Last year was a disaster... I can hear Thing One singing, "we don't taaaaaalk about it," and the end result was covering the "garden" in fallen leaves with some pizza boxes spread out underneath to help kill off everything underneath in hopes that we can start fresh and thistle-free. I know I'm part Scottish and that's their national flower, but my goodness, they don't all need to be in our backyard!

If you have vacation days, make a plan to use them. Don't just let them fade away into nothingness. My Dad used to take a "Sanity Day" once a month if there wasn't already a holiday or break day in there. It helped get him through 40 years of public education. You are allowed to take breaks! Especially if you are sick. People, Covid is still a thing along with the flu and all the other ick. If you are not feeling well and are financially able to do so, stay home and don't infect everyone else, PLEASE. Wash your hands, wear your masks, (which work or nurses and health care workers would be sick every day of their professions), and cough and sneeze into your elbow. 

Sorry. Can you tell I miss being around preschoolers? At least I don't have to admonish any of you to please keep your fingers out of your noses.

My point is, you are worth taking care of. Cherish your small joys and pay attention to your body. Catch small things before they can turn into big things- schedule those well checks and preventative procedures. Trust me. 

Any goal setters out there? I am really not one and never have been, but I'm at least thinking about them this year. I suppose that's why I don't do too many resolutions... they're in the same vein. I often remark, "ooh, I'd LOVE to look like that but I have zero desire to do the work involved," and I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in that camp. However, it occurs to me that goals can also be small. I will never look like Angelina Jolie, (sorry Dada), but I also can do small things to sculpt my arms, to keep strength in my legs, to improve lung function. Guys, maybe you'll never look like The Rock, and that's okay, but you can tone what you have as well. We'll all feel better for it, especially if it's done with friends. Those accountability buddies are wonderful and someone else might be longing to be asked because THEY want to look and feel better but don't want to be the one asking. Be brave!

Last thing, since I've been so preachy, and then I'll hush. One thing we got good at with masks was smiling with our eyes. Let's get back to that whether we mask or not. As connected as we are via technology, nothing lights our hearts up like a genuine smile. Let's have an excellent year of being kind to each other!

A Christmas ramble

Merry Christmas!

I'm scrambling to get this post written before everyone wakes up and we descend into the Christmas crazy. Bear in mind that we have big kids who are on break and in full sleep-in-after-staying-up-late mode. In my head, I already hear The Princess Bride's Prince Humperdinck musing, "...it ranged all over..." so I'll try to channel Mr. Woods, my 10th grade English teacher who used green felt tip markers to scrawl TWE on our papers- To What End? As in, "get to the point already!"

Everybody have their coffee or hot drink of choice? Some Christmas cookies? It is CHRISTMAS- don't worry about the calories, for goodness sake. Enjoy them!

(Mr. Woods sighs.)

Let's do this. 

Story time!

Once upon a time, there was a girl who worked at a summer camp. It's no longer there, sadly, but that's another story to be found here. She met a boy and life happened; they got married, moved a lot, got a kitten, had kids, got a dog, the whole shebang. (Mr. Woods rolls his eyes and reaches for the pen.)

This is the girl, who because of her erect posture and the faux feather in her hair, reminded her friends of the kidnapped princess in Peter Pan, and thus earned her the handle of Tigerlily at the aforementioned camp. 

One Christmas Eve, a long time later, the girl felt discouraged and not very festive. In fact, said girl cried a little while doing the dishes before her shower before the Christmas Eve service. (Mr. Woods uses his green pen.) She felt frustrated with her children who wanted to play video games instead of going to the Christmas Eve service and was astounded that they didn't see it as a given that they were going. She reminisced about a time when she and her mother had walked the handful of city blocks home from church on a below freezing Christmas Eve and how the stars had been so bright, and wonders if her mother remembers that, too. Generally feeling sorry for herself and ready at any moment to blame her tears on getting dishsoap in her eyes, she remembered something important which had been passed along to her and others at camp. 
"Satan tends to attack people and places of strategic importance."

These words had been spoken by a boss whose handle had been Spiritual Giant. His profession was teaching; he was and remains a true leader, caring about each person under him as well as those under them. 

(Mr. Woods pauses, then decides to allow it to see where it leads, but scribbles another TWE?)

Some of you may be musing, "who does she think she is?"

Slight pivot.

Last night, the girl also watched "It's a Wonderful Life," knowing full well that it's imperfect and dated and cheezy at times but wanted the nostaglia of an old movie she'd watched with her Nana. (Here's the link in case you want to investigate further: it'll open a new window.)

In the movie, Clarence muses, "Each man's life touches so many other lives..."

I've talked to more than one person this week who has felt depleted, that hard things kept happening to them, and that they were exhausted, and I keep coming back to that nugget of wisdom the girl heard decades ago. 

If you are a church worker, most especially in the season leading up to today, it makes complete sense to me that an enemy would try to keep you discouraged, make you feel like your work didn't matter, that it's only for an hour and everyone will go back to their "real" lives and forget what you taught or sang or how you loved, so why bother? 

Don't give up. Do it anyway.

For the parents whose kid would rather play with the box than the gift you finally found for them, for the health care workers who have yet another patient come in with something avoidable, for the way the world keeps turning and you have to keep dealing with all of it when you just feel like you can't do one more day/thing/event/minute because you've suffered a loss or a diagnosis or _____ and are barely hanging by a thread... 

Breathe. Call someone in your village. Don't get isolated. Don't get picked off one at a time. 

George Bailey experiences the... Clarence calls it a gift, I think, but I'm not sure that's quite the correct word. He experiences the  (whatever) of seeing what life would have been like without him in it. 

Eventually, we will all leave this life, and our loved ones will have to navigate around the land mine that our passing leaves in their own lives. That's not the same as you never having been here. That can be worse, at least to start, because of the (there are no words in Entish, Elvish or the tongues of men for the all encompassing emotions) that loss is. Grief doesn't play fair. It sucker punches. 

So, to answer the "who does she think she is?" 

(Mr. Woods scrawls TWE in huge letters.)

Just me. In fact, back in the day when I'd call my high school boyfriend's house, his Dad would answer and I'd say, "it's just me." He'd laugh and crow, "HIIIIIII Just!" 

I'm just me. You're just you. We can only each be just ourselves. 

But we're priceless, one of a kind, each a masterpiece.

If you feel like you're under attack, you probably are. Because no matter how you FEEL, you matter to someone. Make it a capital S if you want to- you also matter to Someone. That baby in the manger is for you. And me. And him and her and them and they and those. 

(Mr. Woods just yeet his green pen in annoyance and sloped off to get a warm up for his coffee cup. Maybe coffee doesn't get cold in the afterlife. I guess we'll all find out.)

And if you've figured out you are under attack, don't just stay there. Call for reinforcements! That can look all kinds of different. Sometimes just getting out of your house can make a difference, even if it's frigid, yes, even with a baby. Hearing the voice of a friend instead of the usual texts. Using the "good" dishes. Wearing the fancy clothes. We are quick to splurge on others in this season, but you are hereby allowed to splurge on yourself, whoever was waiting around for permission. It can be little things, but YOU are special, you are worth it, you need to take care of yourself so you can continue loving on/serving/standing in the gap for those around you. We need you. 

We are heading into the "long dark of Moria" winter, but be of good cheer- the days are already getting longer and the light will be returning. Breathe deep, my friends; you are loved, a New Year is coming, and Christmas is here! 

Despite life's hiccups, and because of them, they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

 

I'm still kickin'

 Hiya and happy almost holidays! The title is something my Nana used to say when asked how she was doing. I felt it was fitting to sum up how I'm functioning these days.

For those of you who are panicking because you're not ready, take a deep breath and know that we are right there with you. For those of you who keep getting more things tossed at you in this game called life, take another breath and be still a moment. You're allowed. There is hard stuff happening, and you, too, are not alone. For those of you experiencing a very Blue Christmas, big hugs from us, and more deep breaths, and just do what you can. And if you can't, that is okay, too. Just be. Just breathe. Please know you're loved.

I had the last of the AC part of chemo on Tuesday last week and you guys must have been praying hard, because I was expecting next-door-to-end-of-the-world awfulness but experienced next-door-to-exhaustion instead. Thank you! The nausea has not been fun, but it has been manageable, and I'm still taking as many naps as possible, which helps. The brain fog is real; I've caught myself making out multiple Christmas cards to the same person, so if you end up with three or end up with none- it's my fault either way. Sorry. Next year will be better. Doing a lot of facepalming over here. But, as my Nana said, "I'm doin'."

The next step will be weekly infusions of Taxol for all of the next three months. Supposedly that will be easier on my system and my doc thinks I will handle that well. The new wrinkle will be hands and feet neuropathy, which I'm a bit nervous about as I've been fortunate to never have to deal with that yet... guess we'll see how it goes. Doc said if it's terrible they can dial back the dose of Taxol, but I want this round of cancer to be the last ever round of cancer so I kinda don't want to inhibit any of the meds... no sense stressing over it. It'll be what it'll be. We will figure it out. 

Since that doesn't start until January, I have the rest of this month to recover, gain weight I mean "enjoy Christmas goodies", attempt to finish my cards before Christmas, get my far and wide ranging ducks back in a row, take the boys to the dentist for their appointment, enjoy time with loved ones, hopefully bake some and take more naps. I am very much enjoying not waiting at the bus stop while the temps are in the teens, but I'm sure there will be plenty of that in 2025. 

Don't exhaust yourselves this season chasing down the Stuff or trying to do All The Things. Make the time for the people and activities that fill your spirit back up, and know that you're loved more than you realize. Be good to yourself! You are worth it!

Drink water and wash your hands. The germs are legion!

Wedding photos

 We had the privilege of attending Dada's cousin's daughter's wedding last weekend and we thrilled to cheer on the lovely couple. Thankfully the weather cooperated, we had dry roads both coming and going, and sunshine during the day with moonlight on the return trip. I'm so glad it was before chemo so I could make the trip and enjoy the time together!

So great to spend time with family and support the young couple. We love all of you guys!

Holiday concert

 Thing Three performed in his holiday concert last week. He was tickled because they got to wear their fancy dress uniforms- we had never seen them before. So snazzy!  He cleans up pretty good, like his Dada. They sounded terrific and even had the Grinch as a guest conductor. Always a highlight to our holiday season. 

He is also delighted to have finally (in his eyes) hit his growth spurt. I keep falling behind in buying pants; by the time I get what looks like the right size, he's in them for two weeks and then they're high water pants already. Haven't had this problem with him for awhile, but I think it's going to be ongoing for quite some time, haha!