I'm still here!

 Hi! You may remember me. I used to be a blogger, haha.

Sorry. Summer sends routine out the window in both good and bad ways. I'd like to think I'm getting more sleep, but I am pretty sure it's only that bedtime anad waketime have shifted further back. The city pool is open, so I've been walking the lazy river... well, duck-walking it actually, as it's less than three feet deep and I'm trying to keep my top half submerged to use the water pressure as compression to do my arm exercises. We went on vacation and are home again, so that's another cause of radio silence. And now there's Christmas in July party prep and a family get together and a summer check-in with students and we went to the drive-in movies and we've had probably a literal boatload of ice cream this summer (for sure a kayak, maybe a dinghy) and we're doing yardwork when we won't melt or sink- we've had some wild weather- and I'm going to PT twice a week and we are still painting the basement around all the other things. If summer is supposed to be a time of rest then I'm pretty sure we're doing it wrong.

But if it's time to squish in as much stuff as possible, then we are probably doing "fair to middling" as the saying goes! 

Thing Three gets his braces off this week and is working albeit grudgingly on his required driving hours. Band camp will start up soon which is one of his favorite weeks.

Thing Two is jobhunting and living off PBJ despite us having all the meats. Dunno what he'd have done as a caveman. We giggle that he is indistinguishable from our plastic skeleton friend- the one currently on the front porch in swim goggles and swim trunks- both in circumference and paleness!

Thing One is plying tourists down South with caffeine and sugar at two different jobs and seems to be doing well despite the following text exchange:

Absolutely revolting start to the morning: smooshed a cockroach on the ground behind my counter and then five minutes later it appeared dragging its half-popped not-yet-corpse body along the edge of my counter.

To be fair, that's how a lot of people feel before coffee on a Monday morning. "I'm not dead yet."

Taking a stomp to the exoskeleton and then dragging all your innards up a vertical cliff is an entirely different ballgame...

I said "feel." "Must...get...to...Monday...morning...staff...meeting...nggghhh..."

Haha

***

Have a terrific Tuesday, everybody!

Oh shoot, I'm out of practice. Thanks to everybody who checked in about my blood clot! Poor Dada earned many gold stars for giving me all 60 Lovenox injections and now I'm back on twice daily Eliquis for the next few months. I have no movement restrictions so I'm going about business as usual, fighting through PT to get back range of motion and all the things. The party line seems to be "keep doing what you're doing and we will ultrasound the area this fall."

Me, shrugging, "okieeeedokieeeee."

AND today is my very last dose of the first year of a medication I'm to take for 3 years, so I'm a third done. Woohoo! My doc is pretty sure it's the main culprit behind my hair thinning, so it's looking like baby bird hair and no eyelashes or eyebrows for two more years. Good thing I didn't open the mascara I bought a year ago when it looked like they were finally making a comeback... it'll be all ready to go for back to school 2028! 

NOW y'all go and seize your week!

Keeping things interesting

 I used to be boring. Seriously. Before cancer, pre-2018, I'd never even had a cavity or a broken bone.

Now I have a blood clot.

I guess officially it is a DVT though it is in the upper inside of my beleagured right arm, not either leg. Never even thought about getting one there. Saturday morning I awakened to a more-swollen-than-usual hand and an arm that felt like it was someone else's but had been sewn onto my body. When I bent my elbow for a few seconds and then released, the skin went from pinkish-purple (not my usual skin tone) to yellow-white before returning to the shade of rose. 

Of course it was on a Saturday. Of course I'd just seen my oncologist and my PT gal on Thursday. So here's me, playing phone tag with the oncologist on call whom I've never met. He encouraged me to go to the closest ER but that one didn't have ultrasound availablility until Monday, so we rerouted to the hospital attached to where I had chemo, got my vascular ultrasound, and within 15 minutes of being finished was formally informed of the blood clot. However, the tech had already showed me on the screen the spot that didn't squish together under compression of the doppler wand, so I was unsurprised to get the news.

I have been on 2.5 mg of Eliquis as a preventative measure since my venogram on April 20th, with the hope that this wouldn't happen. I didn't really dream that it would be an issue, but here we are.

I discontinued the Eliquis and have been upgraded, lucky me, to twice daily injections of Lovenox for a month. On Saturday, the hospital gave me a dose and a half, I think, to tide me over until my prescription was filled. However, the pharmacy was out of stock and won't have it until today, so yesterday it was back to the hospital for another dose to get me through until I can pick up the meds. Thankfully, the ER doc from further away coordinated with the closer one so I was able to get yesterday's dose without the longer drive. I love it when a plan comes together.

Poor Dada had no idea what he was getting into when he vowed, "in sickness and in health" and probably never dreamed that he would be giving me shots in my belly, the outsides of my thighs, and the back of my left arm since the right is off limits due to the lymphedema. Once again, I am more medically interesting than I want to be!

Another side of randomness

 Last week was just nuts. In addition to the gas line at the high school being struck which caused school to be cancelled for Thing Three, I also had a two hour fog delay. We repeated the process on Tuesday, and though the gas line had been repaired, school was still cancelled for him as well as for me this time because the fog was still hanging around come bus time after the two hour delay. I think Wednesday everyone was on time, but I was subbing in first grade instead of hanging with my preK friends. Thursday I was back with my 3 year olds and then Friday was a work day and aides weren't required to report, and Thing Three also didn't have school because his teachers had a work day as well. 

My Mommeee arrived Monday afternoon and left Saturday morning, so we had a great, long visit this time. Thanks for making the trip! I miss you! Dada had been in Mexico for work since Sunday, and he made it back safely to us on Saturday after my Mom arrived home.  

This week will hopefully be a little less bananas, though I'm back in first grade on Wednesday again, and Thing Three has no school for conferences on Friday. Our school has them next week. I can't believe it's the end of the first quarter already...

My hindsight-is-always-20/20 observation is to not schedule surgery wherein your recovery requires no lifting within the same year as having lymph nodes removed in your arm. Hopefully none of you will ever go through the experience, but if you do, be forewarned that the second surgery and no lifting will set back your PT and stretching exercises rather alarmingly. I've been experiencing a ton of tightness throughout the right side of my chest, right armpit, shoulder, and neck. Over two weeks ago it was so bad that I whimpered when bending over to tie my shoes; the combination of extending my arm while having it tightly in front of me pulled all kinds of muscles in what felt like all the wrong places. At times, while stretching, I sounded snappy like a KitKat bar. As anyone with cording can tell you, the snap kind of takes your breath away a second and you're wincing the whole time you're working, either because it actually does hurt sometimes but also in anticipation of it zinging another stab of pain. For instance, I do 10 reps of various exercises, and sometimes the snap won't come until the 9th rep! Then you hesitate in dread a moment before starting the 10th, and breathe deeply when that set is done. I'm not particularly a fan of sounding crispy. Dada, however, is enjoying working on me with the massage gun we got; meanwhile, my vision when he's doing it makes me feel like the Blair Witch Project choppiness and it reminds me of how we'd vocalize as kids riding our bikes on our brick street, "heeeeyyyaaaaheeeeeyaheeeeya"... oh well. This, too, shall pass. I certainly won't win any Heisman trophies anytime soon!

School has been entertaining. For the most part, the kids are a hoot and I love the staff. I am tired of the squabbling over who is the line leader, but generally I am having a ball. I'm thrilled to be able to help. I missed so much time last year. 

Our weather has finally cooled off, I'm super behind on #Inktober, I have plenty of small projects to keep me busy when I'm home, and I'm glad for the time we had with my Mommeeeee. Too bad she didn't take Bos with her when she left. (I can hear you laughing, Mom. Pipe down.)

Did I blog that we had to put Honey down? I don't think I did. Our Honey girl was elderly and way past decrepit, so we made that worst best decision and our wonderful vet helped us send her off pain-free. Bos never even noticed. He still scurried to her dish for days afterwards to see if she'd left him any morsels and then he'd look at us like, "how rude." I think the only reason he'd miss any of us is because he doesn't have opposable thumbs.

One more football game and then the marching band season winds down. They've already had their concert and we learned the hard way to sit in the center of the auditorium versus towards the back. Having a line of trumpets three rows behind you is not recommended. Had it been drums, I'd have been great! I love to feel the beat in my sternum!

Have a wonderful week, everybody, and stay healthy!

And more sand

Sand is not Dada's element, so I'm always grateful when he wants to join us at the beach or in the dunes. Above was an early morning excursion and we hopped up onto a lifeguard chair for this photo. I was indeed in my compression sleeve though you can't tell. I'm not in my rash guard because it was early morning sun, but I had it with me in my beach bag, fret not.

This year we made it to Jockey's Ridge. We don't always, but this year we convinced Dada to join us and we huffed our way up and down the dunes that always seem like they'll end just over the horizon... or maybe now... or in another minute... or...

Gladys turned over 30,000 miles on our trip. You go, girl!

I think these photos were the night we got to the beach. Thing One and I had to go say hi to the ocean immediately- there's no waiting around for the next morning!

 

Oh yeah, I have a blog!

 Summer proves both delightful and challenging for me, and for the same reason: the lack of routine. During the school year, my alarm is set for 5:15 and I'm good about getting up when it goes off. Most of that time it's dark because we live in Ohio. I enjoy the quiet, laugh to myself about having to share the single bathroom with three other people in the house where I grew up and delight that I don't have to do that here, and then I get both my quiet devotional time and my 15 minutes of yoga in before other people start rolling out of bed. While it's early, I crave that time and that quiet because afterwards it's anything goes! I might be called in to sub, a kid could miss the bus and would need a ride, someone else might need dropped off at class elsewhere, errands might need run, and so forth. Just life. Nothing seemingly stellar or amazing, but if I don't get that quiet stuff done first, all day long I feel behind and slightly aggravated that I "threw off my groove," to quote one of our family's favorite movies, "The Emperor's New Groove". In summer, there's no need to get up early because there's no bus to catch or school to help out, so I don't set an alarm. Consequently, I wake up all over the place timewise and it's been making me crabby because I feel like half the day is gone and I've accomplished nothing. I guess that's why our identity isn't supposed to be tied up in our occupation or what we do to make money. We are human beings, not human doings. 

Our weather systems have just been parking and idling and playing havoc with allergies, sinuses, headaches, and I don't just mean me. It hasn't really cooled down at night so we haven't opened windows to air out the house and it hasn't rained enough to matter for what feels like weeks. The predicted rain seems to continue to not materialize despite my weather app showing more rain clouds than not. The poor dogs are SO hot, Honey especially. I've tried opening windows first thing, but as first thing isn't as early as it would be 9 months of the year, I got a faceful of "soup" (humidity) so the window got shut pretty fast. I know it won't last forever, and I despise being cold, so I'm trying to not let it get to me, but it irritates me to be boiling outside and then freezing inside because of the AC. Yes, I know it's a #FirstWorldProblem and there are people with actual hardships out there, but as my blog is free therapy, I may as well get my money's worth. Wait...

I've been telling Dada that this summer of 2025 is my Summer of Pout. Not much is looking like I expected it to look by this point in the year. I assumed (ha, there's my first problem) that with the end of the stereotypical cancer treatment that I'd get to go on my merry way, maybe with some new longterm meds, but otherwise unscathed. 

Fool.

I didn't count on my right arm measurements landing me in a compression sleeve during tank top season. I didn't anticipate wearing a rash guard on vacation and not soaking up every available sunbeam to help get me through Ohio winters (because that's seriously how my brain works- I am solar powered!) I also didn't foresee having the rest of my lady parts being evicted and starting menopause for real, having already been in chemically induced menopause from chemo. Twice. And because the eviction is surgical and not magical, that means no baths or getting in any bodies of water for swimming for the rest of the summer, essentially, as our pool closes when school starts. I wasn't allowed in until my radiation blasted skin healed and now I won't be allowed back in. Another #FirstWorldProblem, but definitely a contributor to the Summer of Pout. I don't even get in a lot of the time normally, but now it's the "I can't" factor.

Also, high protein diet yet again to prep stores for healing after surgery, and no alcohol. Why do I only want it when I can't have it? 95% of the time I'd take ice cream over a fun drink, yet here we are again needing to abstain medically. Yes, I KNOW it's actually a poison and isn't good for anybody anyway, but I have a six pack of those fun, colorful Smirnoffs and I just want one. Grrr. *sigh*  #FirstWorldProblems!

With the lady parts eviction comes the "no driving" mandate until I feel better and am off any heavy painkillers, which I don't even want to start taking, so of course that's when band practices start up. Would you believe that there are already SCHOOL SUPPLIES in stores?! I don't want to talk about it. I want to kick something. Like a box of school supplies or something. It is not even the middle of July!

Now that I sound like a total Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy, let's pivot to the blessings. 

We had a lovely vacation in OBX again and there will be post(s) about the ocean and all that. We got quality time with my brother who hadn't joined us there the past few years. The sweet old man dog at the beach house is still alive and kicking and will still smile over his shoulder at you when you give him butt scratches. The young pup will play until she drops and was also happy to see us. We missed my aunt who was traveling on her own adventures at the same time, but enjoyed all the talks and time with my wise uncle who gives fantastic hugs. My great aunt, who will be 96 at the end of this month, is also holding her own and we had a few hilarious visits with her. I want to be back there already.

We have gone to the pool a handful of times and I've gotten in once to float along the lazy river. In my rash guard. But hey, I got to get in! Maybe next year will be better. 

Thing Three had his annual Dr Jon appt and he's doing really well. All our kids are string beans, so he weighed in at 113# and 5'8 and 3/4". He's freshly 15 and is all limbs and feet. He's changed so much just in the year since Thing Two's graduation that my brother thought he WAS Thing Two when he first saw him. Completely cracked me up.

Thing Two has been improving with the driving practices. Still unsure about what this fall holds for him school and workwise. Sometimes life is TBD!

Thing One has met an online friend in real life, which is always an adventure, and they've been hanging out a good bit. I know a lot of art is happening! 

I'm thankful that my arm measurements were trending back down closer to my normal and that I never made it into the actual red zone for lymphedema. I'm back in the green, but just by a hair, so the recommendation was to keep the compression sleeve on and do some exercises. The sleeve in summer is a right pain in the butt, but I do know that it's to help and not frustrate me. I'm trying to get back into my yoga and quiet time routine because downward dog and child's pose and so forth are exactly the stretches recommended. Two birds, one stone, etc.

I'm thankful we have a home. It's easy to take for granted until you see footage of Gaza, Ukraine, Sudan or the floods in Texas or whatever the next disaster is that rolls in. Trying to be thankful when things are going like they do everyday, not just when something big happens. Or doesn't!

I'm grateful for my "elite of husbands" and the time he's taken to haul me around to all these appointments. He has every right to be crabby as they're cramping our style, but he cheerfully escorts me around and I don't know what I'd do without him. Love you, babe.

I'm excited to have breakfast with some girlfriends on Monday morning. That should be a thing. Everyone should get breakfast with their friends on a Monday morning! I bet attitude and productivity would improve across the board.

I'll try to not let it be a month before I blog again. We are doing well. Thanks for checking in! If you want something to pray for, please ask for the surgery to go textbook smoothly with no complications, no infections, etc. We appreciate it. I'll keep you posted.

I'll end with a joke Thing Three told me:

What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Radiation round up- almost done!

*Some reader discretion advised. Not all images may be suitable for all audiences*

But this one is:

Before I get into any of the cancer stuff, Dada and I got to go see Thunderbolts* in an IMAX theater with less than 10 other people. Seriously. Fun times! It's a good one to see BIG! And, holy cow, loud. He's such a cute date. 😍

Above and below were the same day, May 14. For context, I think I started April 21 and have had radiation every week day since, except today for the holiday. 

The red arrow shows the top half of my scar from last fall when the tumor was removed and the lymph nodes were extracted and lymph vessels were rerouted into veins. The yellow arrow points to my mastectomy scar, the blue one points to a surgical drain scar, the purple arrow highlights not a scar but the indentation of where my compression sleeve is digging in, and the green line shows where the radiation field stops along my side. 

And further down we have love handles which don't need any more attention drawn to them. Moving on! 

I took the photo below this Tuesday and have had 3 sessions since then. Only three more to go and then I'm done! If you search Lady of the Lotions in this blog,  December of 2018 will get you there eventually, you'll see a photo of what I looked like from the previous round of radiation. I was peeling in circles and the burn was more intense. Granted, I still have three to go, but I feel that between the proactive recommendation (and use) of steroid cream and the more precise nature of the proton therapy, my skin has held up better overall.

Side effects of radiation are fatigue- I guess you get tuckered out from your cells ferrying out all the other dead and damaged cells but I continue to forget that and wonder why I'm exhausted after yard work- and I'm finally experiencing some itching, like a sunburn can when it's not really complaining but kind of reminding you that it's there. I'm a bit tight as well, but I haven't done yoga for the last 4 days as I've been weeding and doing more housework related movements instead. 

What is surprising (but perhaps isn't really when one considers it) is the side effect of a sore throat. You know how when you have a sore throat it feels swollen and also scratchy or scrapey or sting-ish? Just keep the swollen. It's caused in this case by inflammation from the radiation, but it doesn't sting or feel scratchy. It does make swallowing less instintive and more intentional. 

Thankfully, my doc is on the ball and had given me the heads up weeks ago about that possibility and has asked every week if I'm experiencing it. It didn't really start until last week and even then it was less with swallowing and more ... burps felt like they were thicker. I've noticed that when drinking, instead of just chugging water, I have to slow down and sometimes stop for a reset. I don't want to drown! The doc asked if I was still doing pills okay and I thought about it before saying, "well, the calcium pills are a little scary but they regularly try to kill me so....." 

So the simple solution is MILKSHAKES, muahahaaha!

All in all, doc thinks I'm doing fantastic. I have these last 3 to go and then hellooooooo summertime! This therapy will coincide nicely with the end of the school year. 

Thanks for all your prayers- you can see how well they've worked- and be safe this Memorial Day weekend and wrapping up the school year!

 

That decking hole

Apparently I don't have a photo of the actual hole, but out of the frame to Dada's right there was a soft spot caused by water and ice collecting under a large ceramic pot. I stepped onto said soft spot and turned it into a hole. No, I wasn't hurt, but we had a gaping crater in the deck.

Dada and Hope Depot and a long weekend to the rescue!

He and Thing Two did a nice job, and Thing Three also helped with some replacement slats along the side down to the yard. There's more to be done, but isn't there always?

 

A change of season

 Happy first day of Spring! WaaaaaHOOOOOOO!

I'm looking forward to warmth and green, growing things. I've had enough of gray and bleh.

As of next week, I'll have had enough of chemo, as well! As the kids at karate say, "LAST ONE, BEST ONE!" Looking forward to being done with chemical infusions and holding bags of ice to help prevent neuropathy whilst rocking my compression socks for the same reason. Truly, I'm a sight to behold. Especially as my hair is coming back like duck fuzz. Again.

It always cracks me up how inventive nurses are. I ask for some ice chips to suck on to prevent mouth sores and some ice to hold. I've been given small, sealable bags of ice, a big bag of ice with a buffer around it for more comfortable holding, and multiple rubber gloves filled with ice. Bless their sweet hearts for making things interesting!

So here's hoping and praying that next week's chemo will be the last one I'll ever need. Dada's going with me to kick this all to the curb for good, God willing!

I love my nurses and will be sad to be seeing them less regularly, but even they have said, "we love you but we don't want to see you here anymore!" Talk about a sendoff, hehe. I'll also miss some of the little old people who go for iron infusions and so forth. Some are such characters and I'll miss the back and forth teasing. 

But it is springtime and time to move on to the next thing!

It's been encouraging to see my blood count numbers come back up slowly. I'm looking forward to better energy. I've gotten to sub some and it's been so fun to be back amongst my friends big and small. I'm blessed to be somewhere with such a caring staff and fun families. 

I feel like I've been stuck in a holding pattern, so am very much anticipating seeing what's next. It's been hard to blog when everything is stuck in the same gear... just grinding along. I think the end of winter feels like that for a lot of people. 

Anybody thinking about a garden this year? What are you planting? Anybody have seeds started already? I am still debating if I want to do all that work this year or stick to some pots on the deck. Most likely that's the route I'll take. I love playing in the dirt, but I feel like, right now anyway, that we have enough going on in enough different directions. Plus, do I really want to be weeding? Hmm. I'm not good at that! I feel like Fagin in "Oliver"... "IIIIIII think I better think it out again!"

Chins up, everybody- winter is on its way out!

Only a few more days of January. We can make it...

 Hey! Have you blown away? My mother says they've been experiencing our leftover wind. Sorry about that. It was a little crazy here for a few days. Sadly, Bosley is too fat to blow away... darn.

We are all hanging in there. I had funny things to say that I thought of in bed last night when I was supposed to be sleeping, but I forgot them. We're back in the swing of classes now that school is happening regularly. I'm done with an entire month of chemo appointments. Trying to stay healthy. Going to test out my immune system by spending some time with preschoolers this week. Enjoying that we've had actual sunshine for a few days! Amazing how just that will elevate my mood, even if it's still cold. 

Thing Three finished up his pep band requirements for the season. He seems to be enjoying phys ed this semester and is still lamenting having physical science. I don't think any of our kids have liked that class.

Thing Two also hasn't blown away as he plods around his college campus, so it must be all that hair holding him down. Or maybe he just faces the wind sideways and it slices right past him. 

Thing One, awaiting more art commissions, has been cheerfully taking me to chemo and giggling through the doodles and sketches that happen there. I love watching the glee and the passion. It makes my heart happy.

Dada's been really busy with work this week, but not traveling and we're all thankful for that. They've moved back to the office three days a week so there's been finagling of who is getting or taking Thing Two to class and all of that. For the most part it is working out. If someone would get his driver's license, things would smooth out even more, but there's this saying about leading a horse to water but not being able to make it drink... yep, that fits. 

Overall, we are doing okay. I'll knock wood and say a little prayer that it stays that way! Stay warm and enjoy that sunshine!

Chipping away

Hi! For those of you keeping track or for those of you who are new around here, I am chipping away at the second part of my chemo regimen. My port was a bugger again and I needed cath-flo injected into it. Sometimes with a port, your body will create like a skin or a sheath over it since it's a foreign body. Generally the port still works to input infusions, but the blood draw part doesn't work for some reason. Since you have to have the blood cell count to know if your numbers are high enough to have the chemo, that part has to be done first. So after multiple position changes and flushes, the nurse drew blood from my left arm and eventually the cath-flo stuff busted up whatever clot or sheath was in the way and we could get both in- and output. This is the second time it's happened with this port. I don't remember it ever happening with my previous one. I don't know if it's affected by being on my left side this time, if it's all the crazy chemicals swimming around in my body, or something else entirely. The nurse who drew my blood was amazing- I've had her before- and I seriously didn't even feel it. That's a rare, precious gift! 

My doc was pleased with my blood count numbers and gave me the green light to proceed, so I got my second Taxol infusion out of the way. Ten more to go! Thus far the side effects have indeed been less derailing than the AC chemo regimen which is over with, thankfully. She said I am still experiencing residual AC chemo effects, which explains why I'm still a bit on the slightly queasy side- not bad enough to take anything for, but I can. Usually mints or gum are enough to solve it. The key is to keep drinking, move when I can, and rest when I need to.

In joyous news, which may or may not make sense depending on how you feel about your own job, I GOT TO GO BACK TO WORK! I spent a day this week with a kindergarten class and had to laugh at how much energy these small, cooped up people need to burn off. They haven't had outdoor recess for a good while and it doesn't look promising for next week, either. There were lots of breaks throughout the day for small "dance parties" and time to get wiggles out. A fold down trampoline was also a lifesaver, so to whoever invented those small ones: huge kudos and thanks! Most of them took complete advantage of their three minute turns. I find it hilarious that right now as I'm typing, Van Halen's "Jump" is playing on Pandora!

Anyway, we are all back to school and work and all the things like scraping yuck off our cars and trying to pry open frozen-shut doors. We took advantage of the freezing outside temps to defrost our freezer, leaving all our frozen food on the deck, where it got snowed on. We've brought in firewood to make things cozy and help reduce the strain on our furnace. It's really a shame that we can't ship the snow to the wildfires... 

I've been laughing and lamenting (because those are two sides of the same coin, I think) with my girlfriends about the hormonal changes we are all experiencing. My doc asked about how I was sleeping and I related how I'm too hot, then too cold, then too hot, repeat. She says a complete hysterectomy is in my future, not immediately, but this year sometime. Talk about feeling like Mrs. Potato Head. I'm losing parts like nobody's business! Dada laughs about my departments not communicating; clearly no way to physically feed a child yet the lady parts never received the memo. It's been six years; let's get it together, body! Sheesh. So there's that to look forward to, along with the accompanying hormone therapy. Most likely it'll be Tamoxifen again until the surgery and then Arimidex afterwards. My doc called it my "big girl meds" and cracked herself up. Yay, I've graduated to big girl meds and I'm not even fifty. Way to overachieve! 😄

She was pleased that Dada accompanied me this time and said he was among the elite of husbands. She reiterated how much my success depends on his support and we both talked him up a little. I think he liked it. Totally true, though. I married up.

She said that as the AC chemo works its way out, my energy should increase and I am seeing some of that already. She said by next month I should be feeling much better. I asked if the Taxol is cumulative as in "how crummy am I going to feel by the end of March" and she said that the only thing cumulative about it is the neuropathy, which so far, thank God, I'm not experiencing. She says that's because I'm young, but said she used ice baths for her feet and hands and a cold cap when she did her own chemo regimen (she had the same cancer I had the first time around, after I had it) so of course Dada was all in for me to be using ice. I told him I already had my compression socks on which I'd read helped and that I'm not sticking my feet in ice water for an hour when it is snowing outside and I'm already cold! I did hold a bag of ice for most of the hour of the Taxol drip, complaining a fair bit. He has pictures on his phone which I didn't get yet. Don't have to worry about the cold cap as I don't have any hair to rescue! Good thing, too, as I was wearing Grandmama's owl hat that Thing Three repeatedly stole when he was tiny... can't find that picture so I can ask "who wore it better?" I'll keep an eye out. He will win. 

I also showed her the dots on my head and hands that look like some of the moles I'd already had and asked if they were chemo related. She said, "you tan really well, don't you?" I answered yes and she told us that it's just pigment changes, chemo related indeed, and that her Black patients notice it as very evident on the palms of their hands. I'm pretty sure she said it will fade when treatment finishes, but as it isn't itchy or sore, it's not bothering me. Thing One made cracks about them being age spots cuz I'm old, heh!

It is to get even colder next week so be careful and safe out there, everyone. So much awful happening all around, so mind the reminder from the mother of the incredible Mr. Rogers: "look for the helpers. There will always be hard things happening, but there will always be helpers." Especially in this time of awful house fires both locally and in California, look around and see how you can help. Could be an excellently meaningful Valentine's gift to someone who already has everything. Yes, I know that is NEXT month, but those of us whose love language is NOT gifts need time to prepare ourselves. 

Take care, everybody!

 

Holiday concert

 Thing Three performed in his holiday concert last week. He was tickled because they got to wear their fancy dress uniforms- we had never seen them before. So snazzy!  He cleans up pretty good, like his Dada. They sounded terrific and even had the Grinch as a guest conductor. Always a highlight to our holiday season. 

He is also delighted to have finally (in his eyes) hit his growth spurt. I keep falling behind in buying pants; by the time I get what looks like the right size, he's in them for two weeks and then they're high water pants already. Haven't had this problem with him for awhile, but I think it's going to be ongoing for quite some time, haha!

I didn't die! What I remember and where I am now

 Hello everyone! *waves with left hand* This post will have some fun photos and some more sensitive ones, so viewers should proceed with caution, like one hand over their eyes (for some of you) and the knowledge that I'm okay! 

Sorry for the radio silence. My brain still feels a bit slow, but this is always good therapy so here goes. Please bear with me if I get distracted before proofreading or lose my place in the story, haha.

One week ago we headed into the city for surgery first thing Wednesday morning. Report time was 5 AM with surgery to start at 7. The night before was the usual nothing by mouth after midnight (just in case I were to turn into a Gremlin, I suppose) so in that sense it was nice to be there early; less time to feel sorry for myself due to hunger and dehydration. I get crabby from both!

That green circle, above, surrounds the little dimpled area of this squatting troublemaker. It's not truly in my armpit so much as just in front of it.

Below, the arrow points to the scar from where my port was during my year of infusions, the circle is over the previous scar from my right side surgical drain post-mastectomy, and the X marks the general area of the tumor. Ignore the hair- I wasn't allowed to shave in the days leading up to surgery. Not that anybody is looking that closely, just my disclaimer. 😅

We woke up at 4 AM because I needed my final of the 6 showers with the special super-duper sudsy germ killing soap first. That done, we snuck out of our friends' house and drove the not quite half hour to the hospital. They checked us in and immediately started to draw on me and initial their work so everyone is on the same page and body part and all that. 

                                                 

I had a sweet nurse who told me they'd get me an expert to start my IV, so then I had another sweet nurse come in to do just that and she nailed it on the first try. Woot! I met my surgery nurse and the anesthesiologist (holy COW, I got that right on the first try- no way!) and her assistant, and both docs came in to go over things, and then it was time to smooch Dada and get wheeled into my adventure!

                      

Gotta love my duck socks. And my fun compression boots that kept all my blood circulating and helped prevent clots while I was under anesthesia. These guys really know what they're doing! Everyone was incredibly kind, and let me tell you, I remember kissing Dada... and I have zero memory of even making it into the OR. Not kidding. Not being pushed through the doors, feeling the coldness of the room, not the bright lights, none of it. 

I didn't even get to use my bite sticks! I had one in my hand and was completely befuddled when I asked about the dye going in and how it feels like an angry hornet and they smiled at me and said, "oh no, we'll wait until you're sleeping for that." Could have knocked me over with a feather. Unbelievable. So I got to give that to Dada to put in my purse as I left him. Such good fortune! Hooray! No stinging!

And you guys, thanks for praying. One, I was not allergic to the dye. I am still bluish green in areas to prove it. Thank you! Two, apparently they had to do the long version after all and I didn't die! Dr A had not expected the lymph node mapping to work, and she was right, unfortunately. That meant after Dr A removed the tumor, surrounding tissue, and whatever lymph nodes were in there and attempted the mapping, Dr H also had to step in to reroute the severed lymph vessels into suitable veins. Apparently my previous radiation damage made that trickier in that he had to dig deeper to find recipient veins, but he was able to make five connections and was pleased. 

I woke up in recovery some time after all that and that's all pretty fuzzy. I know I vomited at least once- maybe when they tried to stand me up the first time? They said that happens often. 

One of the nice parts is that all of this procedure happened on the same floor: pre-op, the surgery, and the post-op care. No elevator rides, less chance of germs being handed around, no chance to get lost, haha. It was a really nice set up! My nurses, Abby and Alexis and Jesse and Chris were all fantastic, excellent educators, caring, kind, encouraging. I forget which person handed me the plastic tool that they want you to inhale from to make sure that your lung sacs are opening post-anesthesia, but she started to give directions and I took in a huge breath- the little indicator hit the top wall- and she laughed mid-instruction and said, "well, okay then, champ!" Guess all that walking and running this spring and summer made the odds ever in my favor. That and all your prayers, for sure! Thank you so much! 

I ate all my dinner, which was noodles, mashed potatoes, a roll and green beans- yes, Mother, there is visual proof in a photo below (I am NOT a fan of green beans)- and I didn't die! Haha. And my strawberry ice cream and later some orange sherbet with a turkey sandwich. I remember brushing my teeth later and wondering why my toothpaste was orange colored when I spit it out before I remembered about the orange sherbet. I think I also had another turkey sandwich around 4 AM...

They kept me overnight since I'd had the long version, and booted me out before 8 AM the following morning, sending me home with Tylenol and ibuprofen to alternate between, my inhaling-suck-it-in tool, two front-closing sports bras to help hold my dressing in place, gloves and wipes and all that jazz for Dada to use whilst emptying my surgical drain twice daily (fun times but not painful) and various dressings. 

And my duck socks. 

So now I'm colorful from the dye and the bruising:

The blue dots on my arm are where the plastic surgeon injected his own set of dyes to trace where the lymph vessels drained and to match with the veins. I also had blue dye injected into the webbing of my right hand between each finger. Mercifully I was asleep for all that. It is quite clear to me that I'd make a terrible junkie.

And I'm a bit rashy because of adhesives and cleansers, which is apparently a side effect of chemo because it happened then, as well. Benadryl helps and I know the itching won't be forever. Nothing like sporting weird racing stripes of rash in odd places and having one bumpy arm:

In addition to those itches, I had been warned ahead of time that post-surgery there would be light, tickly feelings on my right arm and that I'd need to rub it to desensitize those nerves and get them used to reporting in when something was actually touching me. Dada, who loves to give light tickly touches, was delighted. I am not a fan of light tickly touches because they tickle! Thing Two and I are firmly in the Firm Touches camp. I have indeed felt as though spider webs or Thing Two's hairs have been draped along my arm, or as though a drip of moisture is sliding down, and am brushing and rubbing and scratching gently accordingly. Mostly it feels like when you've slept funny and your arm is asleep, unusually heavy, right before the tingles of the blood rushing back in begins. Sometimes the skin gets stuck together in the adhesives that I have to let flake off. I'm allowed to shower but not let that part face the stream of water yet. So things get a little pinchy on that side.

I'm to not lift anything heavier than two pounds on my right side and I'm not to lift higher than 45 degrees this first week. If you want to know what that's like, go unload your dishwasher with your opposite hand and you'll have a pretty good idea. Get a gallon of milk out of the fridge with your off hand. Set a lot of things down so you can open the fridge or cabinet or door first and then pick the stuff back up with your "bad" hand. It's entertaining, but I am so astoundingly bad at brushing my teeth with my off hand, that I've gone back to using my chicken wing right side. 

I'm drinking lots of water, eating whatever I want, playing lots of solitaire on my phone and watching way too much TV, but I don't feel like I can focus on a book quite yet. This post alone has taken me about two hours, though there were some interruptions, including a thunderstorm followed by intense sunshine which resulted in this: 

Thank you again, all of you, for being invaluable members of my tribe. I am sure the docs will be pleased at my follow up appointments and I am healing well. I've gone from meds every four hours to meds about three times a day. I slept through the entire night last night and I can't tell you when that last happened! We're still waiting to hear if there was lymph node involvement so we know if I will need chemo in addition to hormone therapy, and I'm not sure when we will get those results. Thank you all so much. You are among my many blessings. 

Friday night lights

It's that time of year again for all things pumpkin spice Friday night football!

I used to go to some of my own high school football games to socialize. I've never been competitive, so the actual fact that there was a game being played made no difference to me. I'd get home and PaPa would ask, "what was the score?"

"No idea. But I saw so and so and such and such and..."

"Who did they play?"

"Uhhh... hmmm. I dunno!"

World's Worst Fan, right here. 

Sorry, team. I'm just here for the band...  

That's our sax player and his friend at the bottom of the photo above. And Dada made it back from a work trip in time to see the second half after being gone all week. Wahooo! And our guys won, bonus. 

 

Not quite what I was going for

 Okay folks, the results are in! Boy, this free therapy really IS nice because they weren't quite what we were hoping for, even though they're not bad in and of themselves. Here goes.

The PET scan results lit up where we expected them to in my right auxilla (fancy word for my side around my armpit area) but it showed two additional spots as well. One in (or on, I dunno how that all works, really) my thoracic spine #10 and one in my abdominal adrenals. Does that mean there's more than one there? No idea. According to Google, those sit just above your kidneys, and the thoracic #10 is also in the middle of my back.

She asked if I'd had a back injury. Can't claim that. I feel like I do have arthritis in my lower back. She said, "no, the thoracic #10 is right in the middle of your back." Hmmm. Now I'm wondering what all shows up on PET scans because the internet's vague "areas of high metabolism" don't mean much to me! 

I guess it looks like something fishy is happening in the neighborhood and now I need more MRIs. Apparently they don't do spinal and abdominal ones at the same time- fabulous- so that means two more times to go carry on with the radiology imaging team, whoohooo!

My main thought keeps coming back to "there was nothing in my blood work to show reason for concern." In my superior layman's thinking (haha) that means that either we caught all of this really early before it affected my blood work or it could be something benign like a cyst or cysts that just show up and hang out and don't do much. We do have a family history of abdominal cysts, my mother reminded me, which I'd either forgotten or not known. 

Now we know a little more as in areas to more thoroughly inspect. Information and knowledge are power, right? 

I must confess to a pounding heart while I was madly scribbling everything I was being told over the phone. Since it's all in the middle of me, that means I'll probably be enclosed for the next two MRIs. I've been okay before, but honestly the more tests they schedule the more needles are involved the more anxious I get. I may need sedated for these ones, which is no big other than I wouldn't be allowed to drive myself home afterwards, which is NOT a big deal as I doubt anyone (ahem, Dada) will let me go alone anyway. As I said, I'm in good hands. And the needle will be going in regardless so maybe a sedative isn't a bad idea. Pray for peace. And really juicy veins. Plump, juicy, very full veins!

Tis the season of ...

I don't even know. I wanted to say "busy-ness" or "chaos" or something along those lines but generally the things happening now are all FUN so it seems wrong to disparage them.

For instance, I've been to three holiday concerts so far. One (excellent) was done by a friend of the family, one (adorable) was the little kids where I'm a substitute teacher, and last week both boys had concerts. On the same night. At the same time. 

So we had to divide and conquer. Dada reported that Damon's band concert went really well, but Damon announced that their recording had technical difficulties and therefore I haven't heard it yet. They then released a redone audio version in an email link. Liam's concert/ A Christmas Carol presentation also went very well. Alas, no recordings are available that I'm aware of. 

Yeah, I've got crazy kiddos. Anyway, we're all doin' the holiday things and squeezing as much joy out of them as we can. We hope for happy and blessed for all of you as well!

 

Unnnnnnbelievable

Our entire kit and caboodle was out of town this weekend and that's another post altogether, requiring two nights in a hotel. Dada was staying another day or two so the Thingz and I got back last night. As Thing Three prepped for bed, he discovered he couldn't find his toothbrush. We hunted a little bit, but I handed him a new one and the evening progressed. 

This morning before school, Thing Two announced he couldn't find A) his retainer, B) his toothbrush, C) his toothpaste, D) all of the above. We hunted more strategically for those because... retainer. Gave up and told Thing Two where the new toothbrushes are. 

Thing One is still fast asleep and has the day off. 

So I texted Dada about the retainer and he checked with the hotel:

Guess what he found at the hotel front desk?

Not one, not two, but ALL THREE Thingz' toothbrushes! HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE EVEN RELATED TO ME!? I share my mother's and sister-in-law's despise-ment of the feeling of "sweater teeth" but apparently none of my offspring are likewise affected. Bleah! I cannot WAIT to tell on them to our beloved dental hygienist at their next appointment. Muahaha.

And before anyone asks, the tattoo goo is NOT used for the brushing of teeth. A certain of-age Thing has acquired some body art which requires maintenance but that's not my story to tell. Let's see how long it takes that kid to realize there's a toothbrush missing...

Apologies and thanks

 Sorry for the radio silence. Life has been a little crazy lately. In the last 42 days Thing One turned 20, Thing Three turned 13, Dada had a birthday and Father's Day, school ended for the summer, Thing One ended the karate job and began two other part time jobs, most of us drove to Georgia and back to visit friends and then Dada and I flew to Scotland and back- him for work, me for fun- and then we drove across Ohio to a wedding and got home yesterday. It's kind of hard to blog when you don't know which way is up. Now my phone is completely overloaded with photos that I'll be sifting through as I figure out how to best tell a month of stories, unpack, do laundry, and catch back up as I wrestle some computer time from the boys who would be happy to be on it at all times. We're not dead, I promise. We're just recovering! I hope all the Dads out there had a great day and know how appreciated they are. Thanks for working hard for us and making us laugh, for loving on us and teaching us, for doing all the Stuff You Do to help the rest of us be running at our best. Have a wonderful week!

Here you go, Mom =)

Y'all can thank my mother for the prompt of spring family pictures. She's full of good ideas!

Without scrolling through the rest of the photos, can you guess who's who?

 

There's a completely ridiculous board game called Munchkin that our kids and Dada very much enjoy. I don't have the attention span for the ridiculousness, though I get a kick out of the art. It has cards like "Boots of Buttkicking" and "The Gazebo". Whenever our crew sees a gazebo, they murmur, "you must face the gazebo ALONE." I'd asked Damon to pose in front of it with his dukes up but he thought that was dumb and therefore declined. I got a picture of him with the Gazebo anyway; I win!

Aww, reinforcements to face the Gazebo!

Dada and I found a flowerful tree!

Artsy Thing One above and all 3 wild Thingz below

Liam and his yellow hoodie by some of his favorites. That kid has always loved yellow. He used to enthusiastically screech, "FOR-SIFF-I-A" anytime we drove past a forsythia bush. Daffodils make him happy. 

 It was either be in the shade and squinting into the sun or shadowed out with the sun behind us. Alas, somewhere there's gotta be benches situated in a more photo-friendly positioning!