And so it goes

 I still don't really want to talk about this and it might be because, as a bestie said recently, "I really just hate thinking about all of this stuff and putting in words makes it real."

I so get that.

However, or nevertheless, whether I talk about it or not isn't going to change the fact that I have lymphedema. That's just a scary word that means my lymph system isn't draining super efficiently and so I'm taking on fluid. It's only in my right arm down to midway between my elbow and wrist but that is aggravating because it is DESPITE:

-wearing the compression sleeve this summer, even on vacation.

-staying active

-doing my stretching and physical therapy exercises

-sleeping with it elevated

-still wearing my SECOND compression sleeve daily

Wah. I just want to wallow a bit, but then I remember that hey, my arm still works (mostly) and I can get the mobility back (I hope) and probably if I stop doing what I'm doing it'll get worse so staying busy and fighting through yoga is what I'll do until I'm told otherwise.

I knew but had forgotten that the main lymphedema risk window is up to two years out from surgery and since my lymph node removal surgery was last fall, I'm well within that range. I just had hoped- like I'd hoped the surgeon wouldn't HAVE to take them out in the first place- that lymphedema wouldn't happen to me, but here we are. 

It's not painful per se but it is frustrating that my right arm looks like a sausage and that I can't reach equally far with both arms and that it's exacerbating my right neck/shoulder tightness. I can still do an impressive amount of flexibility, but I can tell how much range of motion I've lost and it makes me furious. 

I don't know if the two months of no lifting/exercising while I recovered from the complete hysterectomy is what set me back or if it is simply that I'm in that two year window or if it's because of the radiation treatment for the second time. I suppose it could be the trifecta of all of that, and perhaps more I'm not thinking of. It stinks that it's my right arm, which is naturally my dominant arm. Of course it would be my "good" arm! Ugh. 

Whatever. I have two arms and two legs that work so I'm going to shut it and move on. If that means I have to go shopping because I can't fit a lot of my sleeves over my swollen arm and compression sleeve, then so be it. If it means I'll need friends and family to right my sleeves and seams when I get where I'm going, then that's what'll happen. If I get my arms stuck in a shirt over my head, well, I guess I'll cry and then laugh and then figure it out. 

Otherwise, and I hate to speak it into the universe but here goes, I'm on my 6th month of my 3 year meds and so far so good. I'm luckily avoiding school germs thus far, so here's hoping that continues! Drink lots of water, wash your hands, and stay warm, my friends!

Radiation round up- almost done!

*Some reader discretion advised. Not all images may be suitable for all audiences*

But this one is:

Before I get into any of the cancer stuff, Dada and I got to go see Thunderbolts* in an IMAX theater with less than 10 other people. Seriously. Fun times! It's a good one to see BIG! And, holy cow, loud. He's such a cute date. 😍

Above and below were the same day, May 14. For context, I think I started April 21 and have had radiation every week day since, except today for the holiday. 

The red arrow shows the top half of my scar from last fall when the tumor was removed and the lymph nodes were extracted and lymph vessels were rerouted into veins. The yellow arrow points to my mastectomy scar, the blue one points to a surgical drain scar, the purple arrow highlights not a scar but the indentation of where my compression sleeve is digging in, and the green line shows where the radiation field stops along my side. 

And further down we have love handles which don't need any more attention drawn to them. Moving on! 

I took the photo below this Tuesday and have had 3 sessions since then. Only three more to go and then I'm done! If you search Lady of the Lotions in this blog,  December of 2018 will get you there eventually, you'll see a photo of what I looked like from the previous round of radiation. I was peeling in circles and the burn was more intense. Granted, I still have three to go, but I feel that between the proactive recommendation (and use) of steroid cream and the more precise nature of the proton therapy, my skin has held up better overall.

Side effects of radiation are fatigue- I guess you get tuckered out from your cells ferrying out all the other dead and damaged cells but I continue to forget that and wonder why I'm exhausted after yard work- and I'm finally experiencing some itching, like a sunburn can when it's not really complaining but kind of reminding you that it's there. I'm a bit tight as well, but I haven't done yoga for the last 4 days as I've been weeding and doing more housework related movements instead. 

What is surprising (but perhaps isn't really when one considers it) is the side effect of a sore throat. You know how when you have a sore throat it feels swollen and also scratchy or scrapey or sting-ish? Just keep the swollen. It's caused in this case by inflammation from the radiation, but it doesn't sting or feel scratchy. It does make swallowing less instintive and more intentional. 

Thankfully, my doc is on the ball and had given me the heads up weeks ago about that possibility and has asked every week if I'm experiencing it. It didn't really start until last week and even then it was less with swallowing and more ... burps felt like they were thicker. I've noticed that when drinking, instead of just chugging water, I have to slow down and sometimes stop for a reset. I don't want to drown! The doc asked if I was still doing pills okay and I thought about it before saying, "well, the calcium pills are a little scary but they regularly try to kill me so....." 

So the simple solution is MILKSHAKES, muahahaaha!

All in all, doc thinks I'm doing fantastic. I have these last 3 to go and then hellooooooo summertime! This therapy will coincide nicely with the end of the school year. 

Thanks for all your prayers- you can see how well they've worked- and be safe this Memorial Day weekend and wrapping up the school year!