Rambling

 I think there's probably a reason that the human race generally has children when parents are younger versus older, and it is directly related to the energy level of those little ones. Whew! Preschoolers are hardcore, let me tell you. Especially ones who have started school determined not to nap. Ever. Silly little peeps have no idea they're missing out on one of the highlights of life. Ah well. With age comes wisdom.

That's what they say, anyway.

The students I'm working with are adorable, precocious, ridiculous, sweet, funny, earnest, enthusiastic ... and are wearing me out. I don't want to use the word "exhausting" because it's still early days, but I am amazed by their determination to stay wiggly at nap time and chatty when they should be quiet-ish and, despite announcing repeatedly that they're hungry, much more interested in entertaining their friends than eating their lunches! 

AND, for the love, why do they have to go to the bathroom 15 minutes after they were just reminded to go?

Anyway. We've been going on dot hunts when discussing circles and releasing butterflies and making alphabet books and God bless these brilliant women I work with because I am sheerly there for backup as they present all these incredible and adorable ideas. Letter B's that we've turned into bumblebees, D's that have become donuts, you get the idea. I love that I can quietly whisk the old supplies away and prep the new things while the teachers are explaining what will be happening next. Even if we have to repeat it. Many times. 

I love the staff where I work and these families. I'm having a really good season right now and I'm almost afraid to jinx it by saying anything, but I know some of you wonder so I want to keep you in the loop.

Not sure which kids are allowed to have their photos displayed or not, so you'll just have to envision little people yourself. We have three year olds on Tuesday and Thursday and 4s and 5s on MWF. Last week, one of the 3s decided she wasn't pleased about being dropped off and therefore wasn't going to sit or join the group or sit by herself and stood and stood and stood, only to fold herself in half physically, face down in my teacher friend's lap. Bless the teacher, she adjusted and kept reading to the group right over the top of the little flower's half-prone body. The little one eventually came around and was participating later on, so all's well that ends well.

We hosted Donuts for Dads and are gearing up for Grandparents' Day in a few weeks. We even survived our first two hour fog delay, which means nobody is there long enough to offically have to take a nap, so we had a lovely picnic outside and got to see many airplanes, some butterflies, AND two bald eagles! 

Healthwise, I'm mostly good. All cleared from the hysterectomy, attempted to get back into yoga last week, lamented/raged how much range of motion and flexibility I lost over the summer because of no yoga, and am back at it today. There's more neuropathy in my right arm than I'd like there to be- it often feels fizzy- but I'm not dropping things or in pain from it, so I guess either it'll get better or I'll get used to it. My armpit/pec(?) whatever on that right side has been really extra tight the last several days which is not making me happy, but at least it doesn't feel like a cough will kill me anymore. Sneezes were also terrible, but my body has apparently figured that out because most of them have been aborted, haha! You just don't think about what is connected until something goes wrong. I'm sure it's fine. It's already better than it was late last week. 

Thank you all for praying me/supporting me/loving on me to get me to this point! I think this has been my favorite back to school yet!

Oh yeah, I have a blog!

 Summer proves both delightful and challenging for me, and for the same reason: the lack of routine. During the school year, my alarm is set for 5:15 and I'm good about getting up when it goes off. Most of that time it's dark because we live in Ohio. I enjoy the quiet, laugh to myself about having to share the single bathroom with three other people in the house where I grew up and delight that I don't have to do that here, and then I get both my quiet devotional time and my 15 minutes of yoga in before other people start rolling out of bed. While it's early, I crave that time and that quiet because afterwards it's anything goes! I might be called in to sub, a kid could miss the bus and would need a ride, someone else might need dropped off at class elsewhere, errands might need run, and so forth. Just life. Nothing seemingly stellar or amazing, but if I don't get that quiet stuff done first, all day long I feel behind and slightly aggravated that I "threw off my groove," to quote one of our family's favorite movies, "The Emperor's New Groove". In summer, there's no need to get up early because there's no bus to catch or school to help out, so I don't set an alarm. Consequently, I wake up all over the place timewise and it's been making me crabby because I feel like half the day is gone and I've accomplished nothing. I guess that's why our identity isn't supposed to be tied up in our occupation or what we do to make money. We are human beings, not human doings. 

Our weather systems have just been parking and idling and playing havoc with allergies, sinuses, headaches, and I don't just mean me. It hasn't really cooled down at night so we haven't opened windows to air out the house and it hasn't rained enough to matter for what feels like weeks. The predicted rain seems to continue to not materialize despite my weather app showing more rain clouds than not. The poor dogs are SO hot, Honey especially. I've tried opening windows first thing, but as first thing isn't as early as it would be 9 months of the year, I got a faceful of "soup" (humidity) so the window got shut pretty fast. I know it won't last forever, and I despise being cold, so I'm trying to not let it get to me, but it irritates me to be boiling outside and then freezing inside because of the AC. Yes, I know it's a #FirstWorldProblem and there are people with actual hardships out there, but as my blog is free therapy, I may as well get my money's worth. Wait...

I've been telling Dada that this summer of 2025 is my Summer of Pout. Not much is looking like I expected it to look by this point in the year. I assumed (ha, there's my first problem) that with the end of the stereotypical cancer treatment that I'd get to go on my merry way, maybe with some new longterm meds, but otherwise unscathed. 

Fool.

I didn't count on my right arm measurements landing me in a compression sleeve during tank top season. I didn't anticipate wearing a rash guard on vacation and not soaking up every available sunbeam to help get me through Ohio winters (because that's seriously how my brain works- I am solar powered!) I also didn't foresee having the rest of my lady parts being evicted and starting menopause for real, having already been in chemically induced menopause from chemo. Twice. And because the eviction is surgical and not magical, that means no baths or getting in any bodies of water for swimming for the rest of the summer, essentially, as our pool closes when school starts. I wasn't allowed in until my radiation blasted skin healed and now I won't be allowed back in. Another #FirstWorldProblem, but definitely a contributor to the Summer of Pout. I don't even get in a lot of the time normally, but now it's the "I can't" factor.

Also, high protein diet yet again to prep stores for healing after surgery, and no alcohol. Why do I only want it when I can't have it? 95% of the time I'd take ice cream over a fun drink, yet here we are again needing to abstain medically. Yes, I KNOW it's actually a poison and isn't good for anybody anyway, but I have a six pack of those fun, colorful Smirnoffs and I just want one. Grrr. *sigh*  #FirstWorldProblems!

With the lady parts eviction comes the "no driving" mandate until I feel better and am off any heavy painkillers, which I don't even want to start taking, so of course that's when band practices start up. Would you believe that there are already SCHOOL SUPPLIES in stores?! I don't want to talk about it. I want to kick something. Like a box of school supplies or something. It is not even the middle of July!

Now that I sound like a total Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy, let's pivot to the blessings. 

We had a lovely vacation in OBX again and there will be post(s) about the ocean and all that. We got quality time with my brother who hadn't joined us there the past few years. The sweet old man dog at the beach house is still alive and kicking and will still smile over his shoulder at you when you give him butt scratches. The young pup will play until she drops and was also happy to see us. We missed my aunt who was traveling on her own adventures at the same time, but enjoyed all the talks and time with my wise uncle who gives fantastic hugs. My great aunt, who will be 96 at the end of this month, is also holding her own and we had a few hilarious visits with her. I want to be back there already.

We have gone to the pool a handful of times and I've gotten in once to float along the lazy river. In my rash guard. But hey, I got to get in! Maybe next year will be better. 

Thing Three had his annual Dr Jon appt and he's doing really well. All our kids are string beans, so he weighed in at 113# and 5'8 and 3/4". He's freshly 15 and is all limbs and feet. He's changed so much just in the year since Thing Two's graduation that my brother thought he WAS Thing Two when he first saw him. Completely cracked me up.

Thing Two has been improving with the driving practices. Still unsure about what this fall holds for him school and workwise. Sometimes life is TBD!

Thing One has met an online friend in real life, which is always an adventure, and they've been hanging out a good bit. I know a lot of art is happening! 

I'm thankful that my arm measurements were trending back down closer to my normal and that I never made it into the actual red zone for lymphedema. I'm back in the green, but just by a hair, so the recommendation was to keep the compression sleeve on and do some exercises. The sleeve in summer is a right pain in the butt, but I do know that it's to help and not frustrate me. I'm trying to get back into my yoga and quiet time routine because downward dog and child's pose and so forth are exactly the stretches recommended. Two birds, one stone, etc.

I'm thankful we have a home. It's easy to take for granted until you see footage of Gaza, Ukraine, Sudan or the floods in Texas or whatever the next disaster is that rolls in. Trying to be thankful when things are going like they do everyday, not just when something big happens. Or doesn't!

I'm grateful for my "elite of husbands" and the time he's taken to haul me around to all these appointments. He has every right to be crabby as they're cramping our style, but he cheerfully escorts me around and I don't know what I'd do without him. Love you, babe.

I'm excited to have breakfast with some girlfriends on Monday morning. That should be a thing. Everyone should get breakfast with their friends on a Monday morning! I bet attitude and productivity would improve across the board.

I'll try to not let it be a month before I blog again. We are doing well. Thanks for checking in! If you want something to pray for, please ask for the surgery to go textbook smoothly with no complications, no infections, etc. We appreciate it. I'll keep you posted.

I'll end with a joke Thing Three told me:

What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

In which I blather on

I trust everyone has recovered from their New Year Shenaniganery. Welcome to 2025! 

Congratulations. You made it!

I sniggered last evening at our small group when I observed all the new, fresh haircuts. Hey, me too! Oh, wait...

Resolutions, anyone? I need to get back into some sort of exercise groove. Today is the third day of the New Year and I have a two day streak going of yoga, so I best get on the stick and do today's. I've already been sidetracked multiple times and it's not even 11 AM. Such is life.

Seriously, though. Drink more water and less alcohol. One is good for you and the other not so much. Eat colorful foods. Thing Three, that does NOT mean Airheads Extremes! Get out into the sunshine even when it's cold. How many of us have vitamin D deficiency? Hinrew, I'm obviously not talking to you, so shaddap. 😉 If the news is making you crazy, I give you permission to skim headlines to stay somewhat on top of things but not do deep dives into all the dirty details. Likewise with social media. Unless you're watching puppies. The only danger there is how MUCH time can be lost watching puppies... unless it makes you want a puppy, in which case I'll gently remind you that nobody wants to potty train a puppy in the winter. Wait until June.

Make new friends! People are lonely. Get together with ones you already have instead of just talking about how you need to. I'm super proud of Dada who had some guys over to play poker- for the first time in FOREVER- seriously, first time in this house and we've been here 11 years! 

Grow some cute tiny plants because playing in the dirt is good for you. There's even apps that will tell you what your plant is and what it needs to make it thrive. I might actually organize my seeds and my stuff and make a garden plan this year. Last year was a disaster... I can hear Thing One singing, "we don't taaaaaalk about it," and the end result was covering the "garden" in fallen leaves with some pizza boxes spread out underneath to help kill off everything underneath in hopes that we can start fresh and thistle-free. I know I'm part Scottish and that's their national flower, but my goodness, they don't all need to be in our backyard!

If you have vacation days, make a plan to use them. Don't just let them fade away into nothingness. My Dad used to take a "Sanity Day" once a month if there wasn't already a holiday or break day in there. It helped get him through 40 years of public education. You are allowed to take breaks! Especially if you are sick. People, Covid is still a thing along with the flu and all the other ick. If you are not feeling well and are financially able to do so, stay home and don't infect everyone else, PLEASE. Wash your hands, wear your masks, (which work or nurses and health care workers would be sick every day of their professions), and cough and sneeze into your elbow. 

Sorry. Can you tell I miss being around preschoolers? At least I don't have to admonish any of you to please keep your fingers out of your noses.

My point is, you are worth taking care of. Cherish your small joys and pay attention to your body. Catch small things before they can turn into big things- schedule those well checks and preventative procedures. Trust me. 

Any goal setters out there? I am really not one and never have been, but I'm at least thinking about them this year. I suppose that's why I don't do too many resolutions... they're in the same vein. I often remark, "ooh, I'd LOVE to look like that but I have zero desire to do the work involved," and I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in that camp. However, it occurs to me that goals can also be small. I will never look like Angelina Jolie, (sorry Dada), but I also can do small things to sculpt my arms, to keep strength in my legs, to improve lung function. Guys, maybe you'll never look like The Rock, and that's okay, but you can tone what you have as well. We'll all feel better for it, especially if it's done with friends. Those accountability buddies are wonderful and someone else might be longing to be asked because THEY want to look and feel better but don't want to be the one asking. Be brave!

Last thing, since I've been so preachy, and then I'll hush. One thing we got good at with masks was smiling with our eyes. Let's get back to that whether we mask or not. As connected as we are via technology, nothing lights our hearts up like a genuine smile. Let's have an excellent year of being kind to each other!

Am I the only one accosted during downward dog?

 Here's a snippet of my mornings. This is affectionately known as The Sitting Room. It nestles between the attic and our bedroom and bathroom. The brown door is a pocket door that slides into the wall. The sitting room and our bathroom have baseboard heaters, so we keep that door shut during the colder months for hopefully more efficient heating purposes.

The big red chair was brought up for my mastectomy recovery. I wouldn't have been able to sleep comfortably in bed with the surgery drains and all that so I slept in the chair for awhile. I voted to move it back downstairs but someone that I live with decided he liked it up there and so it has stayed. It is a nice napping spot, I have to say.

I was excited when Dada found the table and desk chair at an estate sale because I'd wanted somewhere to scrapbook since I have All The Things and needed a space to be able to lay it all out and think it through that the kids and/or dogs wouldn't mess with. That entire chest of drawers holds scrapbooking materials I inherited from my mother in law. Alas, making the time still is an issue. How much scrapbooking have I done? Exactly none, and that includes finishing the scrapbooking Bible study that I began before Damon was born. How old is Damon, you're wondering? He will be twelve in June. Twelve.

The bins, boxes, and bags are of various Christmas Stuff and even autumn stuff that is patiently waiting to make it back into the attic proper. It's just so cold in there that I hate to open that white door until it's a bit warmer, hence the traffic jam. Nana's Porch People, as I think of them, have been hanging out in a rocking chair in front of a tiny Christmas tree at the top of our stairs for months because they were damp when I brought them in and didn't want to stuff them in the attic before they'd dried out completely. Then they looked so chummy sitting together by the tree that I just left them there. However, this week they made it into The Sitting Room and now their cornstalk feet are encroaching on my yoga space.

You were wondering when I'd get back to the "morning" part; I didn't forget. I do 15 minutes of yoga the vast majority of mornings. I spread out my purple mat and follow along to the daily yoga videos on YouTube on my phone by SaraBethYoga. But today I noticed that wispy, tickly feet were touching me in the middle of my forward fold. It's a little distracting in an already tiny room that has been accumulating way too much Stuff. It's predicted to be 54 degrees tomorrow so I suppose I'll have to suck it up and do an attic run, putting bins and boxes and Nana's Porch People and my fun Christmas card mosaic away for the year. Well, okay, maybe I'll leave the mosaic because I like smiling at my friends.

So now you probably have a hilarious mental image of me in my pajamas doing Tree Pose, fending off Nana's Porch People, hiding out in my Sitting Room where there is less and less room to physically sit. I promise I'll clean, but I thought it was funny and thought maybe you would, too. Never any judgement coming from me about the state of anybody's house. Our big Christmas tree is still up!

And seriously, how does anybody do yoga in front of other people? I don't know if it's because I do it pre-breakfast and pre-coffee, but I am so gurgly and gassy and creaky and cracky that I sound like a box of Rice Krispies. AND I can't tell you how many times I've almost tipped over into the chair or how often I grab the wall. How many years do these people have to do this before they can do it confidently in front of other people? I'll stay in my Sitting Room, thank you very much. 

The Lady of the Lotions

This post got lost in the holiday shuffle. I titled it forever ago and stashed it and forgot it. Sorry. Here's some of the radiation story. My last day was December 20, the Thursday before Christmas, but I'll start from some pictures taken along the ride:

December 7:

You can see how my port actually fared pretty well, especially compared to my collarbone, which got pretty red from the skin being all bunched up due to my arms being up above my head. My nurse Barb instructed me to get a jar of Vanicream and use it two to three times a day, but nothing could be applied within 4 hours before treatment. So first thing in the morning I'd slather on my Vanicream, then if I went straight from radiation home instead of running any errands I'd slap some more on, and then again before bedtime. 

I was also informed that in the future, the radiated area will be more sensitive to sun exposure and will "crisp" first, so I'll need to be careful and use sunblock. Good advice for any of us, really.  

My armpit was the most problematic part. I'd given up shaving it, and was only allowed to wear deodorant since anti-perspirants have aluminum in them which is a metal which would then scatter the radiation rays. That's a no-no. Plus, when have you ever sunburned your armpit? I never had. I don't recommend it. That sensitive skin let me know that it wasn't happy with the rays it was receiving. 

And as Baymax shoots rays from underneath and back behind, the "sunburn" extends on my back.

December 9: 

Armpit has already peeled once, as you can see from the raw spot, the only part that was sore, really. Every Tuesday was doctor day, meaning I'd spend some time getting looked over and having questions answered. He prescribed a salve containing silver to rub on the worst areas. He then confided to me, "sometimes I forget to inform patients that the silver will tarnish and darken your skin. Sometimes patients freak out a bit, thinking the radiation is charring them. It's not from the radiation, it's just the tarnished silver." I told him I appreciated his letting me know! 

December 13, last day of treating the entire area. Now they focus the last 5 treatment days on just my scar/incision: 

The silver salve was working well and I was "dry peeling", which is apparently better than "moist peeling" where the team worries more about infection. Peeling is itchy though, so I also have a prescription for an anti-itch cream to rub all over. Still lotioning away three times a day with my various  slatherments, haha!

December 27, one whole week after all radiation is finished:

Haha, wow, I really look yellow! I promise I'm not really that color. Not sure what's going on with the bathroom light... anyway, you can already tell how much my whole area has healed. It's been two weeks since the wide area radiation and a week since even the scar got any. It's amazing! How cool is our God to form our bodies in such a way that it can fix itself?  Do I look perfect? No, still a way to go, but what a change throughout even just two weeks! It's not itchy except for the spot on my back, my collarbone part peeled and is resurfacing, and I have hardly any red anywhere. My armpit peeled twice but the silver salve worked wonders. 

Let me tell you, it is COLD when you slap a palmful of lotion into your armpit so you probably heard frequent squeals from my general direction, but it soon felt so soothed. Sometimes a seam or one of those tangled-in-the-machine thready balls would irritate my tender armpit, so I tried to choose shirts I owned with the softest fabrics to wear. 

I went into this kind of blowing off radiation and its effects, honestly. I had seen "Stepmom" years ago with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon and was really afraid chemo would do to me what it did to Susan Sarandon's character. Then when it became apparent that mine would not be that bad, I stressed over my surgery. I was really not looking forward to having a catheter and a breathing tube during surgery, but once we got to that point I discovered that I wouldn't need those things! In fact, I was way more worried about those two particular possibilities that I was about the definite removal of my boobs. Perspective, I tell you. Stressing about nothing, all that time! (The lesson here is to talk, ask questions, and talk some more to save yourself unnecessary aggravation!) I never had time to worry about radiation or what it would do to me, even though I'd seen pictures online of those undergoing treatment similar to what mine would be like. 

Here is where I can not say enough wonderful things about my particular radiation team. They gave me hugs, told me to help myself to the treats in the office, made sure I knew I could ask any question anytime, explained anything I wanted to know, sang along to whatever music I picked, and generally made me feel like a family member. I saw them almost every weekday for about 6 weeks. Because they were fantastic to each other and to me, I actually had a wonderful time throughout my radiation experience. 

This was my very last and busy day. Zita took me to get my IV meds that morning. Dada surprised me for my last day and was already waiting in the lobby for me, much to the glee of the gals on my team. "Turn around! Turn around and look who's behind you!" Haha. It was great. They both got to meet more of my team and saw firsthand how much fun we have back there with Baymax.

I'd finally fished Tiny Traveling Tino out of my chemo bag (which has taken over the properties of my old Bible study bag as in "hmm, where did x get to? Oh. It's been in my Bible study bag, haha!") for a trip to radiation:

Here he is in my crosshairs, haha. 

There were more hugs, even from my adorable doctor, and a diploma and well wishes and admonishments to come visit and they'll see me for a follow up appointment in about a month and wishes for happy holidays, etc. 

Yes, I needed tissues. Like I wasn't going to cry after seeing these people every day for over a month, come on!

So now I'm done with Baymax!

Today was Day 10 of taking Tamoxifen, which I'll be on for the foreseeable future. I take 20 mg once a day and that's part of my maintenance program along with the IV meds I'll get every three weeks through May. Once those finish we'll have to schedule my port removal and I'm not sure if that counts as a surgery or how that all works, but I've learnt my lesson and am not going to stress over something I don't need to think about for five more months. 

In the meantime, I've started doing some yoga in the morning thanks to YouTube. It really helped a lot with the skin along my right side, keeping it limber and supple and stretched. I'm glad I started when I did because I think if I hadn't that I may have been overly protective of the area and might have ended up with temporary T. Rex arms with a loss of range of motion. Now it's helping with middle age stiffness and mobility. God knows I don't do yoga for meditative benefits or peace yet; Damon joined me this morning which involved him crashing into walls and almost getting decked while weaving in around me. But range of motion is a good thing so I shall soldier on whether or not I ever end up in a headstand or a downward dog with my knees unbent. Given that it's first thing in the morning I think either of those are Highly Unlikely. 

In case I don't blog again in 2018, thanks once again for the prayers and support you've provided. You may underestimate how much it helped this year. It helped a lot and me and mine are appreciative. We hope your holidays have been blessed with peace, love, joy, and wonder, and that your 2019 is even better!