It's so easy... to be unbelievable...

 I don't know how other people manage inside their own brains, but mine apparently had orders to travel every segue that can be taken via music. Or a movie line. Or a sitcom quip.

For instance, this morning I mused to myself, not even out loud, about "it's so much easier to not have to deal with Bosley in the morning."

Bos is at the family farm, thanks to the kindness of my father-in-law, who watched him during our family get together and the following Christmas in July party. We haven't reclaimed him yet, hence the "it's so easy..."

Which is precisely where my brain pivoted. I've had a running chorus of "It's So Easy" in my head all morning. Not the Linda Ronstadt one. Not humming about falling in love. The Guns N' Roses version, which according to a quick search is about how the band's popularity was skyrocketing yet they had no money and were living off the excess of others. At any rate, I'm quite sure I was mostly unaware of the lyrics despite the hook of the tune.

I've also been ignorant of actual lyrics to other songs. I have at least one close friend who is in that boat with me, blissfully singing along at the top of our lungs, only to discover that we are singing wildly incorrect words. My favorite example is one we absolutely knew but had apparently completely forgotten: substituting "finally" for Journey's "Faithfully" much to our merriment! In case you can't quite get there, it would be, "I'm foreveeeer yoooooours...finally." Maybe we should have made a remix.

Now you'll never hear it the other way again. You're welcome.

Another song I'd been called out for mangling was when I substituted "how was I" for OMC's "How Bizarre." I know. That didn't make any sense to me either, but perhaps enough people were in the boat with me to make the band a one-hit wonder. Also catchy, never knew the lyrics, whatever. Man, I miss the days and bands who would print the lyrics on the insides of their paper labels of the cassette tape or CD! I devoured those!

In terms of long-distance anything, Dada and I look at each other and crack up, repeating Coach Calhoun's line to Danny Zuko in "Grease" about stamina and "long-distance running.. cross-country running," complete with arm movements.

Or when anything is, frankly, unbelievable, then how can you NOT go with Liam Dunn's line to Madeline Kahn in "What's Up, Doc?" 

Have a terrific week, however you like your lyrics!

And I take no credit whatsoever for the video- just borrowed it from YouTube. Go rent the movie. It is a HOOT!

Smoke detector reminder and other stories

 I am a little alarmed at how early the chemo side effects have set in. I worked on that previous post twice and still forgot to relay the funny story. *sigh* Bear with me, folks.

One of the 4 anti nausea drugs in the premedication umbrella-

-which makes me laugh because the wording is funny. I only get two chemo meds. I have four anti nausea meds. And they're called the "premedication" part? Hahaha! I am definitely living yet again the courtroom scene from "What's Up, Doc?" where the Judge is lamenting his drug dependence. If you haven't seen it, go track it down. Here's the specific snippet I mean but the whole thing bears seeing.-

-is apparently a steroid. The first med is a quick push one and went into my port just fine in a matter of less than a minute. The second one, the steroid, made me feel burny and tingly in places that I knew I didn't have a UTI so I assumed it was from whatever drip I was getting and that it was temporary. However, then I started to feel flushed and began to see tiny sparkles. My Doc was talking to me, my Lisa was there, there was also a pharmaceutical student present, so I interrupted to announce, "Um, I'm starting to see sparkles and it feels like I'm breathing through a straw...?" They all looked closer at me and the Doc says, "oh yep, turn that medication off and get a nurse." The meds get shut off, I feel the heat start to drain back out of my face, and the arriving nurses reassure me that I just got that steroid too fast, it's already in, all will be well. Note into chart about a slower steroid. Got it. Okiedokie. Whew, hot flash. My Doc uses it as a teachable moment and points out how my color is already better, asks if I'm also experiencing burning and tingling, and yes indeed, it was a reaction to receiving a steroid. 

"Have you ever had a steroid before?"

"Umm, I don't think I have, actually!"

She assured me that oral ones for, say, poison ivy or some such would still be fine, and reiterated that this one was just pushed too quickly for me, but my body has since caught up and all is well. Moving on...

Everything else was fine, no surprises other than I expected a hanging bag of Red Devil and it turned out to be in a syringe that the lovely nurse has to physically sit there and push over a few minutes, which lessened the impact of the googly eyes since we were the only ones who could see them, haha, but oh well. 

However, try explaining later to your husband about a steroid reaction and then have him turn to your bestie questioningly and have her answer, "she was redder than her sweater." Poor love of my life. But now we know. AND I was right about the burny and tingly feeling dissipating right away.

So Daddeeeeee, when you're up next time, we will ask for a slow steroid. No worries! I got you!

That was all on Monday. Some of those anti nausea meds last for 72 hours so the next few days I felt... chemically... I guess is the best way to put it. Not truly nauseous even when they wore off but felt like I could be, so I took some of the prescription they'd sent me home with, heeding Dada's advice to "not be a hero" and Lisa's advice to "stay ahead of it."  I'm eating a ridiculous amount of small meals and can absolutely see why the Doc cautioned that these particular chemo meds can make people gain weight: it feels better to have something in my stomach. She also warned that chemo weight is harder to lose than regular, but finished with "but I'm not worried about you because you're active and you'll be okay." I devilishly mentioned that the holidays were in between now and when I'll be finished so who would ever know if it was the chemo or the yummy foods? Hehehehe. I'm again struck by how similar chemo is to pregnancy: nausea, brain fog, weight fluctuation, craving something but not having any idea what, laying down to close your eyes and awakening hours later.

Thank you to my school friends for the ginger chews and to my friends who've sent candies and to my hubby who found me coconut bites. Y'all rock, as usual!

Yesterday, four days after chemo, I woke up and felt like my brain was actually clearer and more myself. I still feel that way today and haven't taken any meds other than my usual allergy pill, multivitamin, and calcium with vitamin D. I've had my breakfast and am cautiously optimistic for a nice weekend. My Doc said to keep track of what I felt when so we can determine "my pattern" and predict what I'll need and when. 

Next week I'm scheduled for a bag of fluids and a blood draw, both through the port so no worries, and my radiation consult. I have extremely mixed feelings about all this radiation business. I've heard from several sources that you can't re-radiate the same area, so why the tumor board wants me to have a consult about it boggles me. Plus, they mentioned I could be a candidate for proton therapy, but when I look that up it says it targets a tumor, which I no longer HAVE, so again, I'm stymied. Guess that's why I gotta talk to the experts. I asked my Doc about it during chemo and she set me straight: don't dismiss it out of hand. We want to throw everything at this, so go see what they say. 

Yes, ma'am. 

As far as the whole armpit area/ bypass surgery part is going, it's been 6.5 weeks since surgery and range of motion is definitely improving. I'll get some pictures up at some point, but things are looking decent-ish. I'll never win any Sex Goddess Body awards but since I was never aiming for that anyway, no big loss. I'd rather have ice cream! 

Moving is definitely better for me than sitting, and sleeping is wonderful. Enjoy that extra hour this weekend and do NOT feel guilty if you use it for sleeping! I'm waving my wand over here and giving you permission to use it however it will most bless your life. *swish swish* Don't forget to check your smoke detectors and have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Two profiles (and straight on) of cancer

Obviously the above photo was taken awhile ago, April perhaps, back when I had enough hair that it tried to strangle me in my sleep. 

The photos below were taken this morning. Dada actually got the light flashing on what I call my "Glade plug-in", my Neulasta patch that pumps an infusion into me to kick my bone marrow into high blood cell production. Technology can be absolutely fascinating. After chemo yesterday, my sweet nurse Jenny attached it to my arm after programming it to go off in 27 hours. It clicks and beeps and stings me once like a bee, which inserts a tiny catheter into my arm that will allow the infusion to proceed once the 27 hours have passed. In other words, I get to take my meds with me and not make another trip back to the oncologist the day after chemo. When my timer is up, it will beep long enough for me to notice that, no, it's not the coffeemaker or the microwave, "oh, wait, that's me, haha!" Then it pumps in my meds, clicks and beeps again when it's done about 45 minutes later, and I can then have it removed and shower or take a bath or go swimming or whatever. I take it back to the doc the next time I go and they recycle it as it counts as a "sharps" and shouldn't be just pitched in the trash. Fascinating! AND I get to look like a lightning bug overnight. How cool is that?

This selfie is from today. Eyeliner, earrings from my Daddee, necklace from my friend Ann, bandanna, good to go. Since I've been wearing bandannas in one form or another since junior high (no joke, some of you remember, and that was way before camp) it hasn't fazed a lot of you to see me in them. You probably have to work to remember that my real head doesn't have one attached, hehe! The shirt, from my friend Julie, is accurate. My friend Rachel took me to chemo yesterday and we were talking about what takeaway lesson(s) might be part of this whole experience. I knew right away and said that one of them, "is to show me how loved I am." Some of you are probably shaking your heads, thinking, "this girl has lost her brain cells to chemo brain for sure." Truly though, if I were to make a list of everyone who has stepped into this mess with me, you'd be amazed. I feel like I could change the sayings, "there's an app for that" or "I've got a guy for that" to "I've got a friend for that." God has blessed me incredibly. My friend Cammie used to say that she felt like she was God's favorite little child, but I think she must have scootched over for me to be beside her under that heading, because in spite of my disappearing eyebrows and eyelashes and Immodium with me everywhere I go, I am being loved on in ways I can't even imagine. I know there are some of you I may never even meet who are praying for me and that just blows me away. Thank you! 

And whoever sent me the box of Scripture flips with no note, it got here safe and sound yesterday, and delighted me. If nobody claims it, I'm going to declare it mailed directly from Heaven from my friend Jan who kicked off a moms' Bible study years ago where I made some of my very best girlfriends. She is the one who taught us to get index cards and work our way through the Bible, claiming God's promises and writing them down and keeping them with us to use them in real life. I have more than one set in various purses and Bible study bags, haha. So thank you, friend!

And thank you to all of you once again who are beside me on this journey no matter how far away you may be physically. We are touched each time by your love. And YOU are loved right back!

Chemo yesterday went very smoothly despite me having to pee four times while I was there, haha. I think that's a record so far. I may have already mentioned my Gramps used to say, "I gotta go so bad my false teeth are floating..." Still cracks me up. I inherited my love of plaid (and wearing more than one plaid pattern at once) from him, as well. He still makes me laugh though he's been gone for 15 years now. He reported for guardian angel duty 10 days before Carrie was born, and I can't tell you how many times I've heard him laughing over these ridiculous children we have...

Here are the numbers from yesterday, so if you're not interested, you may be excused. White blood cells were at 10.26, Hemoglobin still a little down but in the normal range right at 10.0 (I think 12 is a magic number- my nurse friends will be happy to set me straight in the comments), and platelets were 157, which I think is also down from last time but they said no worries. Rachel and I laughed over the graphs, which don't make any sense to me anyway, but especially over the oh-my-goodness-I-don't-have-any-white-blood-cells! 

And once again, a shameless plug for the comedy "What's Up, Doc?" starring Barbra Steisand, Madeleine Kahn, Liam Dunn, and a host of others, here are the meds I'm taking this morning. My brother is already reciting from memory, "see this little yellow pill, Bailiff?" "Yes, Judge. What's it for?" "To remind me to take the little blue pill." "Uh, what's that one for, Judge?" "I dunno. They're afraid to tell me."

Don't be alarmed. Today is the heaviest day of meds- cancer treatment does not usually look like this for me. Today is the last of three days a month I take the steroid which helps with the side effects of Taxotere, one of my chemo drugs. The other two are anti-nausea meds to also help. Yesterday, drugs like this were part of my IV cheerleader combo before they begin the chemo drugs, so I didn't need to take them orally also. I take them today and tomorrow and then as needed. Thanks to the meds and your prayers, I have not vomited at all and I am now 2/3 done with chemo! The vitamins I take everyday, along with the allergy med which has links to reducing bone pain from the Neulasta patch when the bone marrow starts cranking out the extra production. It worked like a charm last time and I had no bone pain at all that round. I mentioned that this dose is 10mg and the recommended one was only 5mg so maybe that's why. At any rate, I'm sticking with it. Round #5 will be in three weeks and then round #6 will be in six weeks on our second day of school and then this aspect of life will be done. 

Once my numbers stabilize I will have surgery and yes, I did get my surgical consult moved up an entire month so I feel better about that. I still have questions but did discover yesterday that according to my oncologist most of the reconstruction surgeries are not silicon or saline like I'd imagined but are actually the ones involving the tummy tucks. Who knew? Why does that matter? Well, perhaps I will be less pressured into something I am fairly sure I don't want and can actually be encouraged by the portfolios or photos or whatever will be shown to me at the consult. Again, just going off of what I've heard and thought at this point, I have no real basis personally yet. I'll keep you posted! Thanks again for the prayers- I'm proof that they are working!