Lodging a complaint

 We can't be the only ones with this problem. We have lots of spiders in our home, lurking in bathrooms, hanging out in ceiling corners, weaving webs across the stretch between doorjambs. I'm generally the first one out of bed, so I have the distinct displeasure of breaking web strands in the morning. Lovely. And where is the spider NOW?

Generally I leave them alone. The terms and conditions are that they earn their keep. I don't mind if you want to chill in a corner of the ceiling, but you better be the one to catch the stray mosquito. I know houseflies are fast, but with my fly swatter I am faster, so they get a pass on those. Why do we still have fruit flies even with the apple cider vinegar/dishsoap concoction and resident spiders?

A few mornings ago I saw a baby Guillermo, as house centipedes are known in our house, scurry out from behind our bathroom mirror and wedge himself behind the sponge on the sink. I missed him emerge, but next saw him attempting to run the gauntlet between a bathroom rug and a spider in a web under our floorboard heater. He, sadly, was intercepted. A battle ensued, a spindly bathroom spider tried to join the fray and was rebuffed by the sleek spider, the baby Guillermo ended up curled like a sad comma, and the sleek spider reigned triumphant. 

My complaint is this: why do I have THREE predators in my bathroom who are attempting to off each other when I had to smash FIVE moths in the pantry all by myself with a sixth out of reach on the popcorn ceiling? 

Get outta my bathroom an' get to work or you're all fired!

Quit bugging me!

I don't know what it is with insects lately, but they are really bugging me!

 This morning I stepped away from my honeyed lemon tea to throw a load of curtains in the washer. As I'm tossing the curtains in evenly, an earwig comes out of... somewhere... and dives into one of the curtain folds. So I did what any hot blooded creature would do. I shut the lid and hit start. I figured either he will go the "all drains lead to the ocean" route (except we have a septic system so hmmm...) or he will survive and be thankful for his energetic, sudsy bath. I didn't see him in the tub of the washer when I took the curtains out, nor did I find him in the dryer lint trap, sooooooo your guess is as good as mine as to his location.

I went to recover my tea and not only was there a fruit fly perched on the edge of the rim, there was another one swimming merrily along!

AND one of my besties neglected to keep watch over her drink this weekend while she was outside and was stung right on the lip by a bee for her negligence. 

Just goes to show, ladies: never leave your drink unattended.

 

Recent Liamisms

 I braided Liam's hair the other day and a few minutes later he mentioned his ears were cold. I mused, "hmm, you need a ..." and mimed a headband over my ears. I realized I had a hat from the days when I used to have a ponytail to stick through it, so I dug it out and tossed it to him. With glee, his braid popped through and he declared, "this is my hat now!"

***

As I reminded Liam that when one puts the dogs away for the night one also needs to lock the back door, he quips, "Everything was okay, right? We're in the middle of the woods. Nobody is going to come here." 

I wasn't really expecting any repartee as I thought I was just imparting information, so I stumbled along with a "you don't want the fairies to come and steal you away."

Bewildered, he replies, "What kind of advantage would that give them?"

***

We have fruit flies, again, this time because of the tomatoes from the garden, not bananas. And Liam has bean seeds sprouting for his science class; he's supposed to be experimenting with overcrowding (ahem, just look outside at the garden and don't do that) and he said a cloud of them emerged when he watered the seeds this morning, much to his disgust.

The other day I overheard, "DIE! *whack* DIE! *crash* DIE! *slam*" This pattern repeated about nine times, along with various mutterings. I called in, "okay, Coach Hedge," which is a Percy Jackson reference to a satyr who thinks he's invincible. 

Liam exclaims, "Jeez! That was the Buggernaut! *whack* HahahahaHAAAAA, two down!"

As if any of you are wondering why we can't have nice things...

***

Dada and I snuck out for a coffee date earlier this week and then ran an errand or two. I told him I hadn't left a note for Liam saying where we were headed. When we pulled back into the driveway, Liam was strolling out, in his pajamas and bathrobe as usual. He opened my car door, leaned in, and quoted, "Beds empty, car gone, no note!" We both completely cracked up as that's one of our favorite Harry Potter quotes when Molly Weasley goes off on her sons. Not only did he have it fresh in his head to say, he had written it on post it notes and stuck them to the front door. This kid is a piece of work. Pretty fond of him. You can't have him, fairies, he's ours.

Why I don't have time to exercise #879135

Otherwise known as "when life hands you lemons apples," you make stuff!

Our apple trees are coming into production in a big way. Guess the times Dada spent pruning and spraying haven't been in vain! Now, naturally, the "oh-no-what-are-we-going-to-do-with-all-these-apples" and "why-can't-chocolate-grow-on-trees-cuz-I-could-really-get-behind-that-kinda-processing" dilemmas are in full swing.

So. One hangs out one's laundry and returns to the house with a laundry basket of apples (not full, mind you; one only has two hands) and finds a colander and bowls and peelers and a fun contraption from our friend Theresa that will peel and core and spiral slice said apples and perhaps lemon juice and...

fruit flies.

Holy cow, fruit flies.

Anyway, with all the apple processing to make dehydrated apple chips:

 

And apple crisp:

 

 

And apple bars:

 

 

You need a lot of these:

 

 

for inspiration (and for cursing what you forgot to buy the last time you were at the grocery store, never mind that it was on the list), and then you'll end up with a ton of this:

 

 

because all those apple peels and cores and eggshells have to go somewhere. So you'll think, "well, we've always wanted to start to compost. Now is as good as time as any since I have all this mess..."

 

Which leads to a day over a weekend when Dada drills holes in an 18 gallon tub with a lid and we add dried leaves, coffee grounds, banana peels, melon pulp, lots and lots more dried leaves, apparently every fruit fly in the tri-state area, and "oh my, this isn't all going to fit in there so let's just start a pile back there by the creek, why don't we?"

 

And apple peels. And apple cores. And apple pulp and more coffee grounds and shredded paper and more eggshells and the coffee filters themselves and now you officially have a:

 

Mess For Grownups.

 

And fruit flies.

 

Oh well.

 

Next year our garden will be happy.

 

I guess I do get exercise after all!

 

The end.