The irony was not lost on me as I meandered through Walmart hunting front-closure bras for after a double mastectomy. I kept giggling wryly to Dada about needing bras for when I wouldn't have any boobs! Something's gotta hold all those bandages together before you can put clothes over them. How crazy life is.
*****
Maybe breast cancer was one of God's ways to get an outlet to those of you whose love language is Gifts. Holy smokes, I continue to be blown away at the gifts that arrive. Currently I have three bouquets of sunny, cheerful flowers spread through the downstairs. Two friends made dinner for last night on top of an already stuffed fridge and freezer. My stack of cards overfloweth. My phone has been blowing up with texts...
I have three containers of chocolate chip cookies! If that isn't love for this Cookie Monster, I dunno what is. I am humbled by all of you and the ways that you care!
*****
Tuesday was my follow up appointment with my surgeon. He asked me how I felt I was doing and looked, at least to me, pretty surprised when I chirped, "good!" I confessed that I hadn't believed him when he'd informed me that a bilateral mastectomy would hurt less than something done laparoscopically, but he'd been right. Everything I'd heard and read told me to "stay ahead of the pain" so I followed directions and took pain meds alternating with Advil accordingly. For four days. And then I didn't take anything at all. Because nothing hurt! Some friends are saying I have a high pain tolerance, which could be true, I suppose. Every body is different. I have no idea how that could be measured. What still strikes me as funny is that the sensation I feel most is the prickles that are just like when your breastmilk lets down. I have areas of mostly numbness, but the feelings that I do feel cracks me up. There's nothing to let down to anywhere else!
Anyway.
He looked over my recorded drain fluid numbers and decided the drains could come out. WOOHOO! For those of you who have never had a surgical drain, let me tell you what they do and why it's
A sweet person I met online even made a beautiful apron for my drains which she then mailed to me. I got to wear it for a full 24 hours before my drains came out. You guys, there is no end to the creativity and thoughtfulness out there. A total stranger made me something lovely to make something important and yet unpleasant somehow better. Find your Cranny of Creativity and use that as your ministry to others. I already said some of you are so good with the gifts. Some of you are amazing with the foods. Most of you are brilliant at texts. All of you are capable of great love even in tiny but not overlooked or under appreciated ways!
Stepping off my soapbox. So you live in dread of accidentally getting a drain hooked on something or reaching "wrong" and pulling these suckers out, right?
Well.
Chalk this up under Things I Should Have Figured Out Had I Really Thought About Them: since those babies are sutured into you, that means there's some snipping involved in releasing them so that they can then be pulled out. My sweet surgeon did mutter something to himself about "that's in there tighter than I intended" whilst working on my right side, followed by a moment of sharpish digging. Then he looked at me and intoned, "now, these drains are a little wider on the inside than they are on the part where you see them, so ..." and I forget the rest of what he said because my brain was processing it and got as far as, "DUH, you dummy (meaning me, not him)" and then "so I guess I didn't need to worry about accidentally yanking them out" and "wait, that means it is going to hurt" all pretty much at the same time. I think I asked if I should take a deep breath (that's what they have me do as they access my port during IV treatments) and I'm fairly certain he said, "whatever works." So I suck in a big breath as he counts to three and what follows truly didn't hurt so much as feel weird, but the sound was exactly like sucking up the bottom of a milkshake with a straw. Sorry to those of you reading this in a public place if that made you laugh out loud and people are looking at you oddly.
He heads over to do the left side and I frantically let Dada know I could use some cold, wet paper towels on the back of my neck STAT. Not so much the pull or the sound, but definitely the snippage. Is that a word? It is now. My stomach rumbled uncertainly and I felt like someone had cranked up the thermostat. The surgeon looked at me with his eyebrows up, I looked back from under one of my damp paper towels (because Dada is good at this game and I had one on my forehead, too), squeaked "good to go", breathed in, he pulled, and out came the second one.
He gave me a few minutes to lie there with my knees up as he taped gauze over my drain-free holes which will seal themselves shut- all of this is so amazing to me- and asked if I was okay to sit up. I was, so I did, he said to keep doing what we were doing as everything looked like it was healing really well, and then he said that if I experienced any fluid buildup it would have that waterbed feeling. They can take care of that right there in the office via a needle inserted through my incision(s) which is/are numb anyway and suction whatever fluid out. Sorry, Daddeeeeee and anyone else who would have appreciated less is more...
He said to give it a few days for the drain holes to heal up before starting my stretching exercises which are apparently remarkably similar to exercises encouraged post-rotator cuff surgery. I teased that they probably are the same and that someone just changed the title on the booklet. He reminded us that compression is important so that the skin adheres well but to not be doing a ton of stuff up over my head quite yet as that would affect the pectoral muscles. I don't want to end up with T-Rex arms, but he said to wait a few days, not to not do that at all. He even said I don't need any more gauze/bandages over the incisions but to stick with the ACE bandage or compression shirts.
Otherwise he will check on me in six months!
And that was that! So thank you all for the continued prayers, especially for those of you who prayed that the drains could come out! It is so nice to be able to lie on my sides instead of only my back. I slept in the recliner for about a week and it's so nice to be back in my comfy bed.
My chest is tightly wrapped and I've been making comments about corsets and stays to Dada, who has been grinning while wrapping me. Yet another Thing I Should Have Figured Out Had I Really Thought About It is that with my chest wrapped so tightly, it looks like my belly is popping straight out. Stop right there, those of you saying, "what belly?" Just quit it. I am telling you that yes, I have one, and yes, it is out there, looking 4 months pregnant. This is not just me. This is lots of online ladies who've gone through this. Some of them have freaked out to husbands along the lines of "did they put my boobs in my belly!?" to which husbands standing out of strangling distance have quipped, "no, it always looked like that but you couldn't tell because your boobs were in the way." I'm serious. The Internet says so. It must be true. Sorry to those of you still reading in a public place. Keep the giggling outbursts to a minimum. People are going to think something is wrong with you.
If you see me in one of Dada's button downs because I still can't do over the head shirts and I only own two button downs of my own, please don't ask when I'm due. Unless you're standing out of arm's reach. Best still watch out, though. As someone I love pointed out, I'm more aerodynamic now so that means I'm pretty fast. ;)
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