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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Say again?

Liam: Is it raining?

Mama: No, you hear the spaghetti in the pot, boiling.

Liam: Well, get it out of the pot to stop it spoiling!

Mama: No, boiling. It's cooking. You have to boil it.

Liam: So you can get it all wiggly?

Mama: Hehe, yes, my love. You're so cute.

Liam: Mama, it sounds like it's raining.

Statute of Limitations

So the other morning I notice that Care Bear's bangs are more raggedy looking than usual. I lean in for a closer inspection, and yep, sure enough:

Did you cut your hair?

I didn't do it today!

But did you cut your hair?

I didn't DO it today!

But did you CUT your HAIR?

Not today!

Carrie, did you cut it?

YES, but not TODAY! *starts crying*

Why are you crying? I'm not crying. I'm not yelling. I'm calm. Why are you freaking out?

Because it's not FAIR! I didn't even do it TODAY and I'm getting consequences!

...


I repeat the conversation (and inflections) to Dada, who cracks up and comments, "like there's a statute of limitations on consequences. 'I didn't do it todaaaaaaaay, why am I getting connnnsequences?!'"

Indeed. Off we go to Great Clips, once again. Can I confiscate her scissors? For life?

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Confucius Say...

Confucius say if you don't want your mother to confiscate your night vision goggles, don't make enough noise getting them from your closet that you are mistaken for a raccoon in a garbage can.

Enough said.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Butt ducks

There is a myriad of things I "should" be doing as I look around my immediate vicinity. The carpet needs vacuumed; the dishes that need hand washed need, well, hand washed; the baby laundry needs folded and put away; lunch needs prepared.

But this quote is just too funny to not share immediately. It's the first one on the new quote board. Last night all the kids got baths after two days of high 90's temps and sunscreen and bug bites and sweat and dirt and yuck. For whatever reason, Liam was talking about butts (again) as he got out of the tub. And for whatever reason, I then told him that another word for butts is "buttocks." Now, at his 5 year appointment, the nurse and Dr. Jon swore to me that his hearing is just fine. Liam's incredulous repetition of "buttocks" came out:

"Butt ducks!?"

Followed, naturally, by hilarious laughter from both of us. So, the next time you feel like kicking someone in the buttocks, imagine yourself kicking them in the butt ducks, and perhaps the feeling will pass!

Monday, June 06, 2011

PS

I should mention... don't drink anything while reading the next post. I don't wanna hear about anyone spitting anything all over their laptops.

More to come soon!

A One-derful year

Damon turned one yesterday. I know! How can our Doodlebug possibly be one already!? But he is. He celebrated by being one of two babies in his Sunday school room at church. There were four ladies. Hehe! They were thrilled to share his birthday with him. We putzed around an outdoor shopping center later on, and Dada gave him ice cream and the inside of soft pretzels. Last night he devoured, not kidding- DEVOURED crock pot chicken, carrots, and potatoes. It was as if he thought, "if they know what I'm eating, they'll take it away. STUFF IT IN!" He was using both fists and we couldn't even get it onto his high chair tray long enough to cool down before he had it in his cheeks. Nothing fazed him. And he had more ice cream. And, of course, he was mad when that was all gone. Happy birthday, sweet Bebeeeee.

I figured we could celebrate with some quotes. How bout it? Here's the rest of the quote board from Fall 2010- Spring 2011. Enjoy!

C, end of second grade: Adishon, Subterakshon, Times.

Mama: I burst my button! That's what I get for trying to fit my ego in size 2 pants!

L, age 5.5: How come old men use walking sticks?
Mama: Cuz their legs aren't as steady as they used to be.
L: Mine are steady.
M: You're young and fresh.
L: Yep, I'm young and fresh. And you're old and yucky.

Dada: "Wildflowers" is the Latin word for "weeds."
Mama: *#&^%)#&^%@#^% Grrr!

L, 5.5: Oh, you stupid poop! I wish I did not have a butt!

Mama, impersonating Jeff Foxworthy re: tornado, disaster, etc.
C: Why are you speaking Cowboy?
M: I'm speakin' Southern, darlin'.
C: Where's Southern?

L: There is a black, flying, hopping, and crawling bug in the bathroom. Maybe it flew out. Or maybe it is just camoflauged on my underpants. On the ink part.

M to Dada: Can you please get unplugged and go (help w/ getting kids ready for school?)
D: Yep. As soon as I learn how a human cannon works. *GRIN*

Liamism #278: potty pumper (answer at bottom of post)

Dada, checking Carrie's teeth: no, no, no, no, and no. Go brush again.
C: which ones?
D: In this general direction (pointing to the entire mouth) where your teeth are!

Mama: Liam, what're you doing?
L: I'm brushing my teeth. That was one half. Three more halfs and I'm done! (We brush for 2 minutes in these parts...)

Mama's almost out of Caramel Marvel sauce: does that mean it comes outta the grocery budget?
Dada: that comes outta the Makes-My-Baby-Loooooooove-Me budget. Woot woot!

Liam's all-purpose number: one hundred ninety and eight-two.

Liam: Who was on the moon?
M: Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldren...
L: Buzz Lightyear Aldren!?!?!?

Dada, singing: Hot lovin' every night...
M: *smirking* that's the only line of this you know, isn't it?
D, continuing: Woooo-ah! Hehehheeh!

April 2nd, Mama: WHY are there fruit flies already!?
L: What? You got fertilized!?

To get this one, you have to have read A Sock is a Pocket for Your Toes, which is an absolutely charming, rhyming children's book with wonderful art. Dada: a bellybutton is a pocket for your lint!

C, reading: forklifted and raced...
M: "frolicked", Carrie, "frolicked"

This one is for my Dad. PaPa, remember how I used to call shredded wheat "hay"?
L: why do the mini wheats have frosting?
M: to make them even yummier.
L: even yummier than the straw?

C to Pap: can you guess what music this is?
Dada: yeah, what movie about a young wizard who goes to school?
Pap: oh yeah, that's a good one. ..... "Billy Potter."
C and L, indignant: NOOO! HARRY Potter!

Dada: does anyone want scrambled eggs?
C: what kind of eggs?
D: whaddaya mean what kind? the kind in the little shell packages!

Dada: Liam, please pee and wash up for dinner.
L: I did! (long pause) Yesterday.

L: once, twice...
M: thrice
L: what's fource?
M: Hhehehehe

Dada, musing about 2011 garden: Hmmm. I don't think I've ever spelled "broccoli" right. It's like E.Coli. Not sure I wanna remember it like that!

Mama, reading Harry Potter to Carrie: Professor Quirrel... zombie...etc...
C: What's a zombie?
M: they're called Undead. Something that came back to life. They're not real. Like in the Michael Jackson video (Thriller, which scared her to death)
C: So... Jesus was a zombie? He came back to life! I'm confused.

And the answer to what Liam's potty pumper is a plunger, as many of you would have guessed. Have a super week! It's our first week of summer vacation, so if you see SOS smoke signals, come quick! =D