Only a few more days of January. We can make it...

 Hey! Have you blown away? My mother says they've been experiencing our leftover wind. Sorry about that. It was a little crazy here for a few days. Sadly, Bosley is too fat to blow away... darn.

We are all hanging in there. I had funny things to say that I thought of in bed last night when I was supposed to be sleeping, but I forgot them. We're back in the swing of classes now that school is happening regularly. I'm done with an entire month of chemo appointments. Trying to stay healthy. Going to test out my immune system by spending some time with preschoolers this week. Enjoying that we've had actual sunshine for a few days! Amazing how just that will elevate my mood, even if it's still cold. 

Thing Three finished up his pep band requirements for the season. He seems to be enjoying phys ed this semester and is still lamenting having physical science. I don't think any of our kids have liked that class.

Thing Two also hasn't blown away as he plods around his college campus, so it must be all that hair holding him down. Or maybe he just faces the wind sideways and it slices right past him. 

Thing One, awaiting more art commissions, has been cheerfully taking me to chemo and giggling through the doodles and sketches that happen there. I love watching the glee and the passion. It makes my heart happy.

Dada's been really busy with work this week, but not traveling and we're all thankful for that. They've moved back to the office three days a week so there's been finagling of who is getting or taking Thing Two to class and all of that. For the most part it is working out. If someone would get his driver's license, things would smooth out even more, but there's this saying about leading a horse to water but not being able to make it drink... yep, that fits. 

Overall, we are doing okay. I'll knock wood and say a little prayer that it stays that way! Stay warm and enjoy that sunshine!

Hat head not bed head

 It's funny. I've had talks with multiple people about wigs and whether or not I've thought about getting one, or more. The quick answer is yes, I've thought about it.

A complication is that chemo throws you into chemical menopause and I was already in perimenopause and that all comes with the corresponding hot flashes and night sweats. I get so hot, I tear off whatever hat I'm wearing. Then a Thing comes along and sticks their freezing cold hands on my poor bean and the hat goes firmly back on. Then I'm too hot again, so the hat comes back off. Then I have to take the dogs out so the hat goes on again. I'm a little afraid of ripping any wig off in front of anyone unsuspecting and giving them a fright! 😆 

Plus, I truly don't give two hoots about having hair or not. In fact, yours truly had to get her driver's license renewed this year. The lady at the counter asked if I wanted it renewed for 4 years or 8. I didn't know that was an option! Heck, no BMV appointment for 8 years? SIGN ME UP. Bald I'll be on my license for almost a decade. Toooooo funny. Dada said, "you do realize that will put Thing one at almost 30?" Yup. 

I think wigs are a great invention. Deep down, I think a lot of people have a ton of their identity wrapped up in their hair. I have beautiful women friends who I feel hide behind their hair. I'm not trying to be some kind of martyr, but I do believe that people see hair and equate it with health, as in, "oh, her hair is coming back; she must be okay." While I did prefer being bald in the summer of 2018 to during the winter of 2025, it really isn't so bad except for the lack of temperature regulation, and I'm honestly not sure how well a wig would do any better. 

And to be completely honest, it still makes me laugh to know that during your wig fitting they will trim it to fit you perfectly. A wig trim! The very idea just fills me with mirth and it cracks me up every time I think about it.

I wore a soft hat back to school when I subbed a few weeks ago. I was in a kindergarten class and one of the girls asked why I was wearing it. I told her it was because I didn't have any hair right now. Her eyes got big and she didn't say anything else. Another girl asked me later. I told her it was because I didn't have any hair right now. I later saw her whispering to a friend. Then I saw her whispering to yet another friend, while looking straight at me. I called her over and this is close to how our conversation went:

Me: Hey *child's name*, do you think what you're doing right now is kind?

Her: (knee jerk reaction) I don't know.

Me: Well, think about it for a second. Do you think what you're doing is a kind thing?

Her: (not snotty, but genuine) I don't know.

Me: Okay, well, if you can't say right off the bat that it IS being kind, either, do you think you should be doing it?

Her: No.

Me: Okay then. That's all. 

And that's how I left it. I'm afraid to go into the whole, "my really strong medicines made my hair stop growing for a little while" discussion with kids that young, because even though it's true, I don't want anyone becoming afraid of taking medication prescribed by their doctors or given by their parents, especially during the plague of germs that is winter in northern climates. I'm trying to keep it short and sweet and distract and redirect, but I also want to be sensitive to how the news gets around. 

Bottom line, if you ever need or want a wig, go for it. But I don't want anyone to feel like they HAVE to because "that's how it's done." You do you. I prefer the sunshine on my bean, but I also like hats. I feel like if there were more of us ladies who normalize being bald that maybe cancer and other conditions wouldn't be quite so terrifying and overwhelming. Bald women may never become the norm like bald men have become, but if fewer of us hid under wigs and celebrated our streamlined morning routines and how much money we are saving on not buying any: 

shampoo

conditioner

detangler

hair ties

styling products

and delighted in the time saved, maybe it WOULD become the norm. Rolling out of bed and toweling off your head after a shower is a refreshing change, especially if you've gone through the aggravation of having post-chemo hair come back like weird duck-fluff. The process of growing it out to a sensible... anything... is enough frustration to want to never go back. 

Maybe I'll get a blond wig, other than the Halloween one I have, to see if blondes really do have more fun, but otherwise, I'll just be rockin' my bald noggin over here. Except now I'm cold again. 

The 2547602th day of January

 I hear some of you have gotten some snow! 😀 I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with me desperately wishing Weather would go elsewhere, haha. Sorry to those of you getting multiple inches in places unused to dealing with any. I'm looking at you, Outer Banks. And Florida. Still chuckling, though, if I'm being honest. Stay warm and safe. I'm sure it'll disappear quickly, whereas we northerners have permafrost. Our driveway has been a mess for weeks, much to Thing Three's delight as he skids down it towards the bus stop in his tennies whilst I'm out there navigating in boots and sticking to the yard as much as possible. I inherited enough OCD to be driven to distraction that we didn't clear it all off first thing and now it's compacted down and iced over and snowed on top of and and and...

Deep breaths and pivot.

My third Taxol infusion is over with. Thing One kept me company and giggling. Nine more to go. Still seem to be tolerating it well. My port worked like a champ this time- thank you, whoever prayed that it would behave- and even though my white blood cell count was still a little low, it was not at a dangerous level and I got the green light to go ahead with chemo. Thanks also for praying I'm staying healthy for all of this! I wore my compression socks again and sucked on my ice chips and have been holding a bag of ice these last two sessions. So far, no neuropathy, so we'll keep doing what we're doing! I absolutely feel like there is less brain fog with this med than with my previous ones, and less nausea, which is wonderful. I feel like my energy level is increasing. Now if we could just get some sunshine, that would be terrific! Keep those prayers coming when you think of me. I appreciate them all!

We didn't really have Weather, but we sure had COLD. There were no classes here Tuesday or Wednesday as the windchills were ridiculous, like negative teens or something, so it was nice having everyone home and staying toasty by our fireplace. Our Christmas tree is still up as it makes such a nice night light and is cheerful when everything outside is frizzering. We will probably take it down this weekend and I'll be a bit glum, but it's time. And no, I'm not keeping it up and decorating it with Valentines!

Rite of passage

 Ugh, the photos all loaded exactly backwards, so you'll have to use your imagination and replay them. Thing Three got his braces on and refused to give me a decent picture so I said, "fine, I'll just keep taking them and put them on the blog!" 

So there.

He asked, "is it a law that all kids have to get braces?" I cracked up and related that to my bestie Lisa, who replied, "yes! It is a rite of passage, haha!"

Here he is, plotting, not laughing at our answer...

Yes, he wore his crocs sockless in the snow to his appointment, just as he does to church on Sundays. I blame all those years of karate barefootness. Thing One is the same way- barefoot or wearing mismatched socks and making Maudie crazy. Thing Two is the one voted most likely to be in socks and slippers. Personally, our floors are freezing so I'm also in socks with slippers or at least wearing Thing Three's old rubber sandals. 

At any rate, the orthodontist optomistically quoted 15 months for the braces, dependent, of course, on brushing/flossing participation. I hope that holds true! After a few days of soreness, he seems to be holding up well and has already planned his next color change for rubber bands. Time will tell!

Chipping away

Hi! For those of you keeping track or for those of you who are new around here, I am chipping away at the second part of my chemo regimen. My port was a bugger again and I needed cath-flo injected into it. Sometimes with a port, your body will create like a skin or a sheath over it since it's a foreign body. Generally the port still works to input infusions, but the blood draw part doesn't work for some reason. Since you have to have the blood cell count to know if your numbers are high enough to have the chemo, that part has to be done first. So after multiple position changes and flushes, the nurse drew blood from my left arm and eventually the cath-flo stuff busted up whatever clot or sheath was in the way and we could get both in- and output. This is the second time it's happened with this port. I don't remember it ever happening with my previous one. I don't know if it's affected by being on my left side this time, if it's all the crazy chemicals swimming around in my body, or something else entirely. The nurse who drew my blood was amazing- I've had her before- and I seriously didn't even feel it. That's a rare, precious gift! 

My doc was pleased with my blood count numbers and gave me the green light to proceed, so I got my second Taxol infusion out of the way. Ten more to go! Thus far the side effects have indeed been less derailing than the AC chemo regimen which is over with, thankfully. She said I am still experiencing residual AC chemo effects, which explains why I'm still a bit on the slightly queasy side- not bad enough to take anything for, but I can. Usually mints or gum are enough to solve it. The key is to keep drinking, move when I can, and rest when I need to.

In joyous news, which may or may not make sense depending on how you feel about your own job, I GOT TO GO BACK TO WORK! I spent a day this week with a kindergarten class and had to laugh at how much energy these small, cooped up people need to burn off. They haven't had outdoor recess for a good while and it doesn't look promising for next week, either. There were lots of breaks throughout the day for small "dance parties" and time to get wiggles out. A fold down trampoline was also a lifesaver, so to whoever invented those small ones: huge kudos and thanks! Most of them took complete advantage of their three minute turns. I find it hilarious that right now as I'm typing, Van Halen's "Jump" is playing on Pandora!

Anyway, we are all back to school and work and all the things like scraping yuck off our cars and trying to pry open frozen-shut doors. We took advantage of the freezing outside temps to defrost our freezer, leaving all our frozen food on the deck, where it got snowed on. We've brought in firewood to make things cozy and help reduce the strain on our furnace. It's really a shame that we can't ship the snow to the wildfires... 

I've been laughing and lamenting (because those are two sides of the same coin, I think) with my girlfriends about the hormonal changes we are all experiencing. My doc asked about how I was sleeping and I related how I'm too hot, then too cold, then too hot, repeat. She says a complete hysterectomy is in my future, not immediately, but this year sometime. Talk about feeling like Mrs. Potato Head. I'm losing parts like nobody's business! Dada laughs about my departments not communicating; clearly no way to physically feed a child yet the lady parts never received the memo. It's been six years; let's get it together, body! Sheesh. So there's that to look forward to, along with the accompanying hormone therapy. Most likely it'll be Tamoxifen again until the surgery and then Arimidex afterwards. My doc called it my "big girl meds" and cracked herself up. Yay, I've graduated to big girl meds and I'm not even fifty. Way to overachieve! 😄

She was pleased that Dada accompanied me this time and said he was among the elite of husbands. She reiterated how much my success depends on his support and we both talked him up a little. I think he liked it. Totally true, though. I married up.

She said that as the AC chemo works its way out, my energy should increase and I am seeing some of that already. She said by next month I should be feeling much better. I asked if the Taxol is cumulative as in "how crummy am I going to feel by the end of March" and she said that the only thing cumulative about it is the neuropathy, which so far, thank God, I'm not experiencing. She says that's because I'm young, but said she used ice baths for her feet and hands and a cold cap when she did her own chemo regimen (she had the same cancer I had the first time around, after I had it) so of course Dada was all in for me to be using ice. I told him I already had my compression socks on which I'd read helped and that I'm not sticking my feet in ice water for an hour when it is snowing outside and I'm already cold! I did hold a bag of ice for most of the hour of the Taxol drip, complaining a fair bit. He has pictures on his phone which I didn't get yet. Don't have to worry about the cold cap as I don't have any hair to rescue! Good thing, too, as I was wearing Grandmama's owl hat that Thing Three repeatedly stole when he was tiny... can't find that picture so I can ask "who wore it better?" I'll keep an eye out. He will win. 

I also showed her the dots on my head and hands that look like some of the moles I'd already had and asked if they were chemo related. She said, "you tan really well, don't you?" I answered yes and she told us that it's just pigment changes, chemo related indeed, and that her Black patients notice it as very evident on the palms of their hands. I'm pretty sure she said it will fade when treatment finishes, but as it isn't itchy or sore, it's not bothering me. Thing One made cracks about them being age spots cuz I'm old, heh!

It is to get even colder next week so be careful and safe out there, everyone. So much awful happening all around, so mind the reminder from the mother of the incredible Mr. Rogers: "look for the helpers. There will always be hard things happening, but there will always be helpers." Especially in this time of awful house fires both locally and in California, look around and see how you can help. Could be an excellently meaningful Valentine's gift to someone who already has everything. Yes, I know that is NEXT month, but those of us whose love language is NOT gifts need time to prepare ourselves. 

Take care, everybody!

 

A first on a 26th

Today is the first two hour delay of 2025, much to Thing Three's delight, and it brings back lovely memories of our wedding, 26 years ago, when a blizzard blew through, closing the turnpike, preventing plenty of our wedding guests from attending, and prohibiting the arrival of our wedding cake. But it is so pretty out there today!

It is much sunnier out there than I remember it being 26 years ago and is shaping up into a much more forgiving, if still below freezing, kind of day. 

Thanks again to those of you who were crazy enough to brave the weather, no worries to those of you who couldn't make it (believe me- we understand!), and thanks for joining us to all of you whom we've met since then! Thank you all for blessing our lives and our family. 

We love you bunches! Stay warm and safe!

 

In which I blather on

I trust everyone has recovered from their New Year Shenaniganery. Welcome to 2025! 

Congratulations. You made it!

I sniggered last evening at our small group when I observed all the new, fresh haircuts. Hey, me too! Oh, wait...

Resolutions, anyone? I need to get back into some sort of exercise groove. Today is the third day of the New Year and I have a two day streak going of yoga, so I best get on the stick and do today's. I've already been sidetracked multiple times and it's not even 11 AM. Such is life.

Seriously, though. Drink more water and less alcohol. One is good for you and the other not so much. Eat colorful foods. Thing Three, that does NOT mean Airheads Extremes! Get out into the sunshine even when it's cold. How many of us have vitamin D deficiency? Hinrew, I'm obviously not talking to you, so shaddap. 😉 If the news is making you crazy, I give you permission to skim headlines to stay somewhat on top of things but not do deep dives into all the dirty details. Likewise with social media. Unless you're watching puppies. The only danger there is how MUCH time can be lost watching puppies... unless it makes you want a puppy, in which case I'll gently remind you that nobody wants to potty train a puppy in the winter. Wait until June.

Make new friends! People are lonely. Get together with ones you already have instead of just talking about how you need to. I'm super proud of Dada who had some guys over to play poker- for the first time in FOREVER- seriously, first time in this house and we've been here 11 years! 

Grow some cute tiny plants because playing in the dirt is good for you. There's even apps that will tell you what your plant is and what it needs to make it thrive. I might actually organize my seeds and my stuff and make a garden plan this year. Last year was a disaster... I can hear Thing One singing, "we don't taaaaaalk about it," and the end result was covering the "garden" in fallen leaves with some pizza boxes spread out underneath to help kill off everything underneath in hopes that we can start fresh and thistle-free. I know I'm part Scottish and that's their national flower, but my goodness, they don't all need to be in our backyard!

If you have vacation days, make a plan to use them. Don't just let them fade away into nothingness. My Dad used to take a "Sanity Day" once a month if there wasn't already a holiday or break day in there. It helped get him through 40 years of public education. You are allowed to take breaks! Especially if you are sick. People, Covid is still a thing along with the flu and all the other ick. If you are not feeling well and are financially able to do so, stay home and don't infect everyone else, PLEASE. Wash your hands, wear your masks, (which work or nurses and health care workers would be sick every day of their professions), and cough and sneeze into your elbow. 

Sorry. Can you tell I miss being around preschoolers? At least I don't have to admonish any of you to please keep your fingers out of your noses.

My point is, you are worth taking care of. Cherish your small joys and pay attention to your body. Catch small things before they can turn into big things- schedule those well checks and preventative procedures. Trust me. 

Any goal setters out there? I am really not one and never have been, but I'm at least thinking about them this year. I suppose that's why I don't do too many resolutions... they're in the same vein. I often remark, "ooh, I'd LOVE to look like that but I have zero desire to do the work involved," and I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in that camp. However, it occurs to me that goals can also be small. I will never look like Angelina Jolie, (sorry Dada), but I also can do small things to sculpt my arms, to keep strength in my legs, to improve lung function. Guys, maybe you'll never look like The Rock, and that's okay, but you can tone what you have as well. We'll all feel better for it, especially if it's done with friends. Those accountability buddies are wonderful and someone else might be longing to be asked because THEY want to look and feel better but don't want to be the one asking. Be brave!

Last thing, since I've been so preachy, and then I'll hush. One thing we got good at with masks was smiling with our eyes. Let's get back to that whether we mask or not. As connected as we are via technology, nothing lights our hearts up like a genuine smile. Let's have an excellent year of being kind to each other!