"That's un-be-lieve-ah-ble..."

 I don't even know how to relate this without .... I can't even. Words fail me. That makes blogging a teeny bit hard, haha. I'll give it my best.

Went in yesterday to have my port removed, which SHOULD be an "amen and hallelujah" situation because it means I'm done with all the major needlework and chemicals and all that. 

I strip down to my waist and my paper... vest... 

The surgeon comes in and tells me step one is numbing me up with multiple jabs. Think novacaine for your chest. Sure, fine, of course I get a little swimmy and a lot sweaty so I ask for a cold wash cloth behind my neck and I chew my gum and put my knees up and life goes on. I maintain consciousness, woohoo. Me, one point!

As I'm pointedly looking the opposite direction and the surgeon is happily scalpaling away and then calmly remarks, "huh. This should be longer."

Great.

"I have seen this before."

Fabulous.

"So, see this? It should be about an inch and a half longer."

This just keeps getting better.

"So, um, where would it go?"

"Well, could be heart or lungs. We will send you down for a chest Xray." 

Okiedokie!

So downstairs we go to registration then to radiology. I get an upgrade to a fabric gown and get my front and side chest Xrays taken. The surgeon calls me immediately after I make it back into the waiting room to say, "Yep, I see it. My office will coordinate with Hospital X because unfortunately we don't do this here- you will need a radiology specialist to lasso it out."

Swell.

Somebody is going to lasso out my missing piece. 

"It'll take longer than you'll want it to."

The setting up? The procedure itself? The recovery? 

I tell people this story and they want to know why it isn't happening now, right this minute, yesterday, and the only thing I can come up with is 

A) I'm still breathing- no shortness of breath or anything and

B) must have a regular enough heartbeat though nobody has asked about either of those things!

Apparently it was intact and worked for my PET scan in August but we know it wouldn't draw blood for my last oncology appointment in October. Has it been adventuring around this whole time? Who knows. Since I'm not experiencing pain anywhere other than the scar tissue/cording I am assuming it hasn't caused a clot anywhere, and he DID see it on my chest Xray. Does it stay put? Because I'm relatively active has it been just cruising along, making laps in my bloodstream? I've got some fun questions for whoever is going to lasso the darn thing!

I'll keep you posted! Put any port jokes into the comments.