I turn around to attempt to put things back in the pantry where they belong and "the way is shut":
"Look Mama, he's hugging me!"
I'm glad you're having a moment. Please get off of the floor.
***
Even right now, I am set up to blog in the guest bedroom where I foolishly hoped I'd be working in peace. I grabbed a mug of Elixir of Magic Beans, the camera, my phone, and the laptop, strode through a single filament of spiderweb (yes, the guest room was used just last weekend but our spiders are very industrious around here and have apparently set up shop again), plunked everything down on the table...
and have had Damon with me more than without me. He's having a meltdown because the iPad is in Carrie's room and she is still sleeping. He wants it because he won this:
How I can hear my Nana chuckling. It seemed she was always winning some door prize or another. If there was one single clothespin tucked under a chair at an event, that's the chair she'd be discovered sitting upon. If there was a lucky ticket number, that'd be the one she'd drawn. It was amazing as a kid to have a Nana who won just about everything.
And now I have That Kid.
The Gizmo dog is part of the selection of prizes for the elementary school's fundraiser. He claims it's what he would have won had he sold 150 items. He sold six.
After I drove to the school to pick up said six items, I received a text informing me that he'd won the raffle prize. Could I come pick it up or should they just send it home with him the following day?
Having just a tiny Inkling of Eventualities, I texted back that they could please send it home tomorrow and that it would make his day and thank you.
Did Gizmo the dog make it home safe? You bet.
His backpack and lunch box remained on the bus.
The following day, yesterday, I sent this note in his lunch:
He did manage to bring home his report card, his lunch box, the original backpack he'd left on the bus.
The second backpack stayed on the bus.
It's a long weekend because they're hosting conferences at school today.
Lest you think he's the only one, we have yet to see the middle schooler's report card because... well, Life With Boys.
Wednesday
Me: Did you bring your report card home?
Liam: No, I didn't get one. They were passing them out but it was bus time and I had to go.
Me: You mean you didn't get yours. Yours is specific to you, you can't just take any old report card home.
Liam: Right.
Thursday
Me: Did your report card make it home?
Liam, staring at me like a deer in the headlights: It's in my binder.
Me: Can I see it, please?
Liam: It's at school. In my binder.
Me: Liam, it is a long weekend! We won't even get to see it until Monday?!
Liam: *blink*
Lest you think they are the only ones, I hate to burst your bubble. Miss Carrie is going without her winter coat all this long weekend because it is also at school, but that is a story for another post, believe me.
She did, however, bring home a report card of straight A's! Your kid gets a part time job AND the best report card of her high school career thus far- who knew?! Good job!
Back to Gizmo.
We had our conference with Damon's teacher last night and she laughed that he'd asked to take Gizmo out to recess the day he received it. She wisely told him that's not the best choice as it could get broken, and she laughed again when I informed her that Gizmo had made it home safely whereas his backpack did not.
Of course he is over the moon about this newfangled contraption (sorry, I had to) and once he discovered that it comes with an app where you can feed the dog and tell it how to move, it was all over. Never mind that it already operates on voice command. Telling it to sit, play dead, roll over, go pee pee (and no, I'm not kidding, unfortunately), and whatever the command is for playing and dancing to the music is, no, none of those were enough.
For two days he's pestered me to add this ridiculous app.
Yesterday:
Damon: Mama! Add it onto the iPad. Please!
Me: Damon, the iPad is out of room and we can't delete anything because you see? There are no little x's. I'm sorry, buddy, there's no room on here.
Damon: *sound of ultimate suffering* Then on your phone?
Me: Not just no.
Damon: Where's the mini iPad? Can we put it on the mini?
Me: We'll have to wait until Carrie comes home because she had it at school with her and now she's at work.
Damon: *more sounds of ultimate suffering* It's not faaaaair!
This morning:
Damon: Can we add it to the mini?
Me: The mini is in Carrie's room and she's still sleeping.
Damon: *wailing* She's going to sleep until karate tonight!
Me: That's ridiculous. No she's not.
Damon: It's not even supposed to be in her room! It's not fair!
(He's not wrong.)
Me: Why don't you go get some more reading minutes or play with Legos?
Damon: *sound of ultimate suffering*
Me: Or go back to bed...
Drat it all, Nana, this had better not be a sign of things to come!
***
On Monday, Damon's belongings all actually made it home from school. I removed his lunchbox from his backpack and was a bit dismayed to find everything was wet.
Me: Damon, did you take your water bottle to school?
Damon: *distracted* Uh, what? No. Why? What?
Me: Why is your backpack and lunchbox wet?
Damon: Uh...?
The culprit? See that small container of applesauce? The one that wasn't eaten at lunch?
Right at the edge of the spoon you can see the puncture. It exploded just enough applesauce to make a mess.
Now his lunchbox has been washed and is no worse for wear. However, one must always remember to check every pocket of boys' belongings before dumping them into the wash. Look who would have ended up squeaky clean had I not checked the pocket of the lunchbox:
I'd ask plaintively if it was the weekend yet, but one, it obviously is as they are home with me, and two, I'm not sure it'll make it any better because then they're home with me! I'm reminded of the quote from the movie Beetlejuice:
"Because then I will go insane, and I will take you with me!"
Please keep your musings to yourself as to what mischief they'll get up to next. If speaking a thing into being is real, I don't want to have to hunt anybody down!
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