Award winning

 I hereby declare, in an officially fancy-looking font, that Thing Three is certifiably the World's Worst Umbrella Holder. He is legit, folks. 

I should back up. Last week, I went for a walk in the rain all by my onesies, as Captain Jack Sparrow says. I don't mind rain. I have boots and I have, in theory and in name, a raincoat, and even a rain hat. 

Well, I forgot the hat but I did have my hood. I schlepped along pretty contentedly, skirting puddles and obvious mud-sucking areas. My good-for-nothing bangs snuck out from underneath my hood and began to drip water down into my face and along the sides of my hood. I stopped to shake like a dog a few times as my "raincoat" isn't truly waterproof, at least not anymore, and I'd rather get the wet off before it soaks in. 

I did about three miles and laughed at myself in the mirror when I got home. For the first time in a long time, I was wearing colorful eye shadow and some of that had run along with the not waterproof colorful mascara. All in all, I looked like a sad water color painting, haha.

I texted all that to my bestie, who asked where my bumbershoot was. I told her that I hated umbrellas because they always either turned inside out or busted, and I'd rather just be in my hood and/or rain hat and hope for the best. She laughed and agreed.

This morning it wasn't truly rainy, but very wet and drippy and heading towards foggy after a night of rain and temps in the low 40's. I figured it'd be a good day to wait at the bus stop under one of our big umbrellas. Damonater, dancing with delight, announced he'd love to hold the umbrella. However, he had difficulties getting it open, so he returned it to me. Voila, I found the button and WHOOSH. Inside out. First thing. Not even out in the wind. There's me standing there, holding what looks like an enormous flower beginning to open, huge drips of water from our oak trees plummeting down around us, this fool laughing beside me. *siiiiiiiiiiiigh*

After some good-natured piratey, black scribble griping, I got the darn thing set to rights and it actually stayed put. He took over from there but I sure didn't stay any drier. I try to watch down the street for the bus and he holds it so it blocks the horizon. He straightens it uprightish and tilts it back so it catches wind from the passing cars. It's still dark out there at 7 AM and this kid is cackling, "I LOVE umbrellas! They're so fun!"

"Child. It's purpose is to keep us dry. Hold it over us!"

*more waggling around* Bear in mind the child is 12. Twelve!

"Ahem. I can't see if the bus is coming. Hold it UP."

*more spinning and giggles*

"You are officially The World's Worst Umbrella Holder Ever."

"Yeah. I'm a doofus." *more chortling*

Oh my stars. One of us is going to end up at the funny farm for sure. At least there I'll be dry...